Starfire

I want to write for you, to youBut I fear, That you'd sense my fear

And not like it, because you aren't like it

For you've never known it nor have you ever

Wanted to know it

That which lives in the heart of the weak

And breaths falsehood and deceit.

I want to write to you, only you

But I fear 

That the calm and steady fire in you,

The Starfire that is you 

Will see

Right through it all, right through me -

The fragile shell, the shape of fear

Creeping along, looking to be near

You,

Starfire,

Starfire,

Beaming softly yet burning true

And the sad fearful creep

wants to creep towards you

 

For warmth, the warmth

That brings back

The decaying 

and the dead, 

or,

If nothing else,

For a burning end 

To fear instead.

313

that time of the night
when i miss it the most
(It's been that way forever
since way before it was ever
there
to miss.)

it's not about what it is about
(it's the one thing I'm sure about)
the softest touch, the airborne kiss
but perhaps it's not about them
things
amiss.

in the dark one hears
many things - queer and odd
desperate hisses, voices of gods
but perhaps the only thing
tonight
i miss
is the sound of a familiar heart
beating in peace.

One of those nights

One of those nights
Not your first and won't be the last
But for now, this particular one
Is over and done.

And you are breathing still.

So, sleep now little boy,
For another dream,
For what the day might bring

29 skulls

Its finally done.
It was long overdue
To the dream retreat, 
Alone.

A rainy day
A cottage by the lake
And a comfortable chair, on the deck.
Everything’s there.

Everything’s there; nothing’s amiss. 
Nothing to miss. 
Alone at last!
Now what?

Let’s see,
A cozy bed,
A writing desk,
The closet in the corner.
Let’s see…
I can probably use these
Clothes…sheets…keys…
But what are these?

29 severed heads in the closet.
All wrapped up, nice and clean.
Faces unrecognizable; brutally bashed in.
But wait, I hear somethin…

Whispers in the dark. 
the heads, 
they talk!
what could they be talking about?

They ramble on and on about nothing
Repeating every worthless detail 
Making no sense whatsoever
Still eager to tell the tale.
As if any of it matter
As if any of it any of it ever mattered.
Dumb cut up head
Don’t know that its dead!

So 29 severed heads, in a closet,
Dreaming up 29 boring lives
One’s a plumber,
One a teacher,
An actress, an accountant, a preacher,
Even a shrink, that considers the rest
delusional head cases (pun intended).

None of them has a clue,
none of them seems to care,
That they are absolutely,
Most definitely,
Profoundly,
Dead.

Its ridiculous! Its uncanny! 
Its so ridiculous its beyond funny.
So I try
I try to talk some sense 
into their heads (pun intended)
But they won’t listen; they can’t.
(Turns out all of ‘em got
their ears ripped off)
And I still try to tell ‘em off!
Kickin ‘n screaming I tell ‘im off –
“You are dead!”
“You are all dead!”
“You’re dumb 
and ugly 
and rotting”
“You don’t mean a thing”
“So just shut the fuck up and accept it”
“Just suck it all up and accept it!”
And then suddenly in the midst of it all
It dawns on me

The one dreaming up the 29th skull
Is the deadest of them all.

16 January 2017

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

So true! Not many get it. Not many care. Still, good thing it is out there though. That way people can stumble upon it, and then think about it, and then...start getting it? Is that the way it works? Perhaps not. Perhaps it would only be meaningful to people who already get it, hear the music, so to speak, and people who don’t get it, well, they just won’t see it. Is that it?

That’s the thing, how does it actually work with “those who could not hear the music”? Why can they not hear the music? Is it that they can’t hear it because there’s a glass wall in between? One that can actually be broken? Then once someone breaks that glass everyone would be able to hear the music?

Or are they permanently deaf and no matter how loudly the music is played, for however long, they would never be able to hear it?

And then among those who get it, or think they get it, would be those who’d consider themselves way too special for getting it and start an exclusive club with other ‘special’ people in it and they would congratulate each other and dance to their special music within sound proof walls so that the riff-raffs don’t spoil it, and then after some time has gone by, it would be very hard to tell what music, if any at all, is actually being played. May be years later, someone with perfect hearing would walk into the club and hear no music at all; just noise or dumb silence in its stead. Perhaps there never was any music; or perhaps it has died long ago.

Numbers

In the end it gets down to
Just the two
Not four, not six
just the two
stuck in a disfunctional relationship
forever

one to unite
the other to repel
neither exists without the other

'exists'..is a helpful word here
can anything 'exist'
if there is no state of 'non-existance'?

think about it
I mean really think about it

does a 'yes' mean anything
without there being a 'no'?

and that's pretty much it
just the two
mirror images
looking so much alike
you'd think they are but one
and that only one is true
and you'd be right too...sort of

if you say
that one
is but
the absense of the other
you'd be right, but...

here's the thing
and computer people would get this
is the 1
any more real
than the '0'ther?

Think about it
I mean really think about it

for the 1 to be
it has to not be
for the 1 to not be
it has two be.

It really is that simple
And that's what its all about.

Skin

Keep on thinking how good it’d feel

To shed this skin

To peel it off, nice and clean.

Then look in the mirror and see

If the face in there looks like me.

Time runs past,

Leaving dust

Dust on my skin

How long it’s been?

Since you’ve known what I mean?

Flesh on flesh, too much too soon

Look at the time - its half past noon!

Use your hands now, dig in deep,

So much there you cannot keep

Rotting meat ‘n a sack of shit.

Keep on thinking how good it’d feel

To be rid of the smell…of yesterday’s kill

To walk down naked, without a skin

And not care how long it’s been

Since the sun has warmed your guts.

String theory

I think I’m losing interest in ‘current affairs’. After a while, it all starts to feel like a crappy reality show that you just can’t seem to switch off, even though it’s just making you want to throw up all over. Besides, what’s the point of it all anyway? That all of it is messy? Or is it that the mess is too close to home these days?

You can’t really say things were never this fucked up before. Fact is, they always were. Can’t find a time when some people, somewhere, wasn’t doing fucked up shit to some other people. People suck.

Keep a few pieces of strings in a corner and let ‘em stay there for a while. Don’t do a thing, just keep ‘em there and see what happens. They got all tangled. Haven’t they? Nobody made them do it. They certainly didn’t mean to themselves, but here they are, giving you a something to sort out. People are the same way. You throw a bunch of them together, let ‘em interact and pretty soon they manage to get all tangled up, in good ways and bad. The more people you throw in the mix, the more complex patterns you see. Before you know it, a few wise folks decide that for things to work, you need to figure out a few rules to keep things sorted out, you know, so that the system is not too tangled to function. Every now and then the wise guys would disagree on the best way to keep order and start pulling things every which way. Tensions rise, strings tear, and patterns change. Nothing new here, just the magnitudes vary.

Be as it may, perhaps these days with satellite TV, cheap flights, internet and whatnot, there are more people in the mix than ever before. Smaller patterns from every which corner, coming in contact with other patterns, forming a larger pattern,…perhaps the largest the world has ever seen. Wise guys from all around, tugging and pulling frantically, so that their order prevails, all the while ignoring the fact that this is different from what they know, nobody ever been through this and that they don’t really know how to deal with it. Meanwhile tensions rise, strings snap, and whole patterns disappear, forever.  Chaos will rule supreme before a more enduring pattern can emerge. (That is of course if enough strings survive after the madness has passed.)

Now that its summed up, somewhat,…perhaps I can switch off the damned TV for good to invest in something a little more productive. Something that doesn’t go around in the same vicious circles all the time. 

Penguins

Anyone has anything against penguins? They are cute. Right? Going about their business, doing the goofy walk, sliding about on snow, all the while in black and white…nothing wrong with that picture.

Much as I like the picture I wouldn’t want to live in a world infested with penguins…with only penguins, looking all cute and mucking about in the snow…snow in all seasons, snow everywhere. I’d hate it, just as much as I’d hate living in a world without penguins.

PS: Loved the new Anna Karenina.