Saturday, July 21, 2007

Numbers catching up

Watched the red tail light of Masum’s bike go out the gate and disappear around the bend. The last time I will ever see it. Gonna miss that damned ride, if not the son of a bitch that drove it. Reality check - “Was he the last one?”

Shahed in New York
Romel in London
Rudra in Melbourne
Locha in Toronto
Masum left for Melbourne today.

Where was I?
Was busy with work but that’s not it.
Been attending society parties and drinking a bit but that’s not it either.

Whats been happening the last couple of weeks?
Been out of town.
Visited two dying grannies. (One died last Wednesday)
A cousin had a baby. (Good-looking baby boy. Ma, Pa and the baby are all doing well)
Noticed that my uncles and their wives don’t look middle aged anymore. (They look ‘old’)
Noticed that li’l cousins have grown bigger.
Turned 28. (Cousins found a gray hair)

Even with the electricity, the village still goes to sleep pretty early. Went for a walk along the highway at 2 am at night, hoping to find a tea stall open. Got jumped by some stuff I didn’t want to think about. Thought about all that stuff I thought I got figured out and how they seem to fit everything; life, love, God and the rest. Then thought about the 7 year old kid that died on that very highway some 10-15 years back. They’d just made the road; a real nice job too. The kid was tired on his way back from a fair and decided to use the side for a pillow. Wasn’t really the driver’s fault but he still paid the family 7k for their loss. Everybody cried a lot but they also appreciated the new CI sheet roof above their heads. Then I got back to thinking about the stuff that I thought I had figured and found out I had absolutely no idea what they were. I figured I should give ‘em a rest and just concentrate on not walking into the crap, muddy puddles and heavy vehicles on the way. Guess that’s the thing to do.

No matter how well you figure something out after a while you start doubting everything. You don’t bet on the voices in your head, the screams in your heart or whispers in the air, you only bet on numbers – figures and facts that you can see and touch and count. You start wondering if your made all that up – the signs, the Gods, the magic. May be the universe is just playing out the numbers and that’s that.

I thought I hit one of those spells when I don’t really feel anything. I’ve been feeling things all right and they’ve been scaring the shit out of me. So much so I woke up screaming in that morning. The numbers are catching up.

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