Sunday, September 14, 2008

yellow flowers

1st day of the weekend – My 1st ever Laundry Day! Went out the night before, had a few beers and woke up late, - just like back home. Anyhow, so I put the cloths into the machine and I had nothing to do for the rest of the day so decided to go for a walk.

Within a few minutes I saw it. A solitary yellow flower by the path way, prominent againts the green all around, standing and moving slightly with the gentle breeze, standing and looking at me. It was nothing fancy really, just your regular variety yellow flower that grows everywhere on their own and live without a care in the world. Nothing fancy about it at all and I am not into flowers anyway. But I dunno, there was something about it that made me take notice...there was something about it that made me smile.

Like I said I'm no flower guy but I stopped and stayed a while, and the craziest thing, it felt as if it was saying things to me. I mean, not in words it was not but I was getting! I cann't say what it was but I was getting it all right and I followed on. I moved up the path and surely enough, I found more of them, as I knew I would, and they led me to a wooden staircase leading down to an openning in the woods. I have been wanting to explore the woods since I arrived but never got around to doing it and now the flowers have taken me here. I took the path and went in and it was amazing! Its autumn and the leaves have just started to yellow and moss grew around the old trees and on the stones that came out in places and it was mysterious and slilent and beatiful all at once. Doesnt sound like much but it was something for me. I've seen this wood many times. I have imagined and dreamt about it over and over again for I don't know how long and now there it was. I followed the yellow flowers and surely enough they kept me on the better paths, - ones that weren't littered with plastic bottles, old cds, paper napkins and what not. They made sure the garbage don't come in and spoil my dream.

Later in the Autumn, the leaves will turn red and there will be red and yellow and orange all over. I'll go back to the woods and live, yet another dream.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

moving on

Be careful about what you wish for cause you just might get it. Am I regretting it? Not really. After all, this is what I wanted, this is what I knew it'd be. After so many years of whining and nagging and bitching about every little things around me, I am finally out. So there.

They all came to see me off – everybody was there and all of them meant it. Its a blessing to have a family like this. I miss them all terribly now.

BD said good bye the best way it could. It was raining mad – it started to rain the minute I got on the car, it rained all the way, up till the moment the plane took off. And it was just right. The smell of it, the sound of it, the feel of it on your skin is just right. It rains in Sweden as well but its just not the same. Its not as tender.

The journey lasted for ever, - about 19 hours in total. Had a tough time keeping the tears in check during the last bit of it, the flight from Heathrow to Arlanda. No matter how hard I tried to not think about the people back home, they just wont leave me alone. Everytime I thought about Ma the lump in my throad felt heavier. Never thought I'd miss the old lady so much!

Things looked bad at the hostle. Was already pretty down with the long journey, homesickness and the very expensive taxi ride. On top of it all I ended up in a very dirty room with paper bags stashed here and there, full of rotten things and spilling smelly liquids. The thought of taking the next available flight back to home came to mind more than once.

It wasnt that bad though. In fact, I was actually very lucky. The guy I asked for directions turned out to be a good hearted fellow from BD who greeted me in Bangla. He helped me with the bags and introduced me to the rest of the people at the hostle. As for the filthy room, it was a blessing that the people who left it like that (a couple of students from India no less) had already moved out.

The next day, Mashuk, the friendly BD guy, went out of his way to help me get a bus pass. I went to the university and got enrolled. Slowly I started to get used to the clean (way too clean) streets, pretty buildings, tall white people, timely busses and clockwork trains. My new room mate turned out to be a good natured man from Ethiopia who made the room tidy in no time. I also began to realize that living in the hostle has its perks – I got to meet a lot of people from different parts of the world whom I would never come across if I wasn't living there. And what'd you know! There are like hundreds of deers and rabbits living in the woods around the place. Not too bad. Eh?

Its still doesn't come close to home. I still miss everyone and things are still very expensive and I am stil an awful cook (can't even cook instant soup man!). But now I know a bit of the town, can make ham sandwiches, know a few faces, and have got tea.

Think Little dog is gonna be all right.