I hate

I hate.
I hate all of it.
I hate the red lampshades, pretty and dim,
Hate the bunch sitting in the corner,
looking serious and self assured,
being just as confused as the rest of them the whole time.
Hate the kids sitting next,
The boys trying to be men
And the girls, polishing their neils to rip their hearts out.

Hate the fat fuck up front who thinks he’s gotten away with it.
who is trying to believe that he is somehow better than the rest.
And his fat girlfriend should really give it a rest;
All that sexy moves on that body – positively vulger.

Hate the traffic outside the window
Slow, noisy, stuck and mad.
Trying to get ahead anyway they can,
Making a bigger mess for themselves
and everybody else.

Hate the people of the town, gone mad,
Possed by cell phones.
Just as noisy and menacing as the traffic,
And just as pathetic.

Hate my cell phone.
Ringing all the time, messing up my life,
Taking away my peace and pissing me off.
And then not ringing at all.

I hate Me.
The schmuck, stuck in the mud
And can not get out.
The looser who thinks he can figure it out,
That he must catch a glimpse of the moon on the water.
Only to find himself tongue tied, - The fool!
Trying to hide behind words – vague, meaningles, deceitful.
The no good bimbo should really give it a rest
And accept the fact that math wins everytime
And all the rest is crap.

I hate to believe;
Hate not being able to believe

I hate me, for turning like the rest of them
- bitter, noisy and unfeeling.

I hate you
When you decide to fall from grace
And become one of us.

I hate! I hate!!

I leave today...to live a better tomorrow...

I leave today...to live a better tomorrow...
i die tonight...to fly to your height...
I drown myself...to crown u to the top...
i lie to u...to tie me at your side

One of Razik’s. Apperently he was bored on the bus and wrote this to kill the time. When I asked him what the inspiration was, he told me he was just thinking about a silly confusion and played with his pen. Says he leaves it to ‘us’ (think the SOB was being sarcastic) to get the meaning out. Anyhow…I kinda liked this piece of crap and didn’t want it to get lost.

for the guys only

I got bored during a meeting and found this picture online. Shabbir bhai made me a wallpaper with it. Thought I'd share the wealth here. Is she heavenly? Or is she heavenly??

I shoulda written that!

Just had to steal this one from Pranab

For a friend I refuse to let the candle quit

I wish I lived in a fairytale
With a happy ending
Where people you care about
Just don’t die between phone calls
And leave you to face this reality
Alone without cries
And don’t just let you write your feelings down
in a piece of paper or a diary
And get it over with
And don’t let you go on with life
Like its okay
Like her not being around
Okay.

You laugh again with friends
Make jokes in restaurants
And stop leaving a seat for her
or forget her cell phone number
or how she sounded
When she talked and smiled
or cried.

What remains of people?
Merely a promise of rain
Under the grey grieving sky
This wide open wounded shore of city
Slowly swallowing our salty memories
It hurts.

She had always showed up in colours
Maybe I will go colour-blind
Colour fades away
Bleeding into night
Maybe when this heart will change into meat
I will be okay.
Like most.

Maybe I will go lost among strangers
who didn’t know her
And Move on
But you see
I refuse to let you fade
My friend
I refuse to let the candle quit.

A crazy night and a crazy dream

Emon vai is leaving, so is ZB. So this Friday morning I thought about getting together for one last time. ZB came around midnight with Jaglul vai. Emon vai turned up around 2 in the morn. Poor guy is having a crazy run. RB bailed, the last time we tried to track him down he was headed for Aricha, being the designated driver that he is. Speaking about driving, I made a huge mistake telling Masum vai (Not our beloved bearded leader), Emon vai’s friend, that he was in no condition to drive and should head home. Well…I’m up for a punishment it seems. Hope I survive that one. Fell asleep around 6 o’clock and woke up around 10 to say good bye to ZB and EB. Had the most amazing dream ever in between. It was like this –

We were at a really great party where most of the office folks were present. Cheers and laughs all around. And then it ended and everybody went home. Then Mehrin apu calls me and tells me that she left some Therap stuff there by mistake. It turns out that there was going to be a ‘play room’ at the office, which is gonna have all sorts of toys and stuff. Kinda like a kid’s nursery. Now I’m not entirely sure why this was planned. One time I figured it was going to be a day care center since the newly weds are gonna start having kids and they will need to keep ‘em somewhere. And then it seemed adults can play there too….somebody read an article or something about how rooms like this at work places reduces tension and brings people closer to their ‘inner child’ and crap. Anyhow, it was just a dream, how logical do you think one can be in a dream? So there…there was gonna be a play room and Mehrin apu left the stuff at my place. Now, I went to check what they were and WOW! The bags had the most amazing toys ever! They had little bikes and helicopters that you can take apart and build again. Not cheap plastic stuff but metallic ones with great finish. There was this knife, with a really good blade and the most fantastic hilt. And of course toy guns! Then there was this canoe shaped thingie which I thought was a pillow. It turned out that it was not only a comfy pillow but u can unfold it to make a blanket. (Sign! Still cant get over that one) Then in the corner there was a stair case shaped box packed with….Archie Comics! (Who ever knew I still have that stuff trapped in my subconscious.) A lot of them! Now I was thinking like…hell! I’m never gonna give this stuff back. And then I thought I’d have to give them back in the morning but for the night they were all mine! Now should I check out the toys…or should I start reading a comic….so much to do and so little time. Well…good thing the alarm went off and the dilemma ended there.

moon on the water

"Purify the five eyes, Possess the five powers.
If once you have known truth, you know the unknown.
In a mirror the body's shape is easily discerned,
But in vain can you grasp the moon on the water."

- Found this on Goatman’s post. Reminded me of something I wrote a long time back. Here it is.

I have returned from the sea this morning. Brought back a moment or two. An overwhelming depression is pressing down on my heart. There is absolutely no love left inside of me. There used to be a pain before and a certain longing. Even those are gone now. The salty waters of the sea touched my skin but left my eyes dry.

I have tried. Standing on a shore, bathing in the moon light. I have looked for my stars in the sky. "Fill my heart with love. Give me back my pain." Turned my eyes from this world and sought refuge in another. Got the answer but it wasn't the one I wanted. Couldnt understand them; couldn't trust them.

Sea waves ran to the sands. I saw the moon's reflection on the wet sands and on the water. Suddenly, I realized that I was trying to catch it. I had left the sands and went into the waters chasing after it. And, I didnt know it untill the water came upto my neck.

I was trying to see the full face of the moon on the waters. But, it just wont stand still. The moon melted with every wave that came but I just had to see it full at least once. And all along the real thing shone above my head.

I looked down instead of looking up. It moved farther away towards the sea every time I reached out for it. I might have gotten lost in those waters if I kept on going.

Do we search for the truth the same way? Make it all the more complicated to have it easy? Drown ourselves while chasing shadows. Then dissapear into the shadows trying. Or may be we turn around, look back from time to time and see the shadow following us close behind? Or may be we dont look back at all?

Just have to look up. Its there. Not an illusion, not a shadow. Just too far away.

Great Expectations

I just realized I love Ethan Hawk movies. Been moved by a hell lot of them. Loved Gatacca, Training Day, the one in which he is a reporter and solves a mystery to get the husband of his boyhood lover off the hook and tonight, Great Expectations. (Hear he was brilliant in Dead Poet’s Society as well but I don’t really remember. I also hear girls don’t dig him much. What nonsense!)

I loved the book when I was a child. Loved it when I reread it after I grew up. I loved the movie too. I hear people don’t think much of it. They simplified it a lot, as Holywood often does. But I still loved it.

All that hurting in the movie, people do worse in real life. All that good in the movie, hope people do better than that in the real world. But one thing is for sure. You got to stick around for long enough, do your best, hope and find out. May be time will make it all worthwhile.

And its raining outside. For once Weatherman didn’t know it was gonna come. Think I’ll go watch it.

God's Dilemma

I hear you complain
About how they’ve done you wrong
I see you missing all the things
You’ve waited for so long

I could give you all the answers
Clean up all that mess
I could lay it all up front
Rub it in your face

You’d ask for one miracle
And I’d give you ten
Can ask me for a dozen more
Don’t even have to tell me when

But you’d never get it
You’d prefer to fake it
You’d look eternity in the eye
And then hurry off to buy a new watch.

hello again

Been a while since my last post. Been up2 no good as usual. Been staying online for hours. Thought about writing something, couldn’t hold the thought for more than 30 seconds. Went out of town with the office crowd. No ZB, no RB, Weatherman misses his old gang but it was okay. The resort had a pool. Got to swim a lot. Crossed over twice smoking the cigarette. Quite an achievement! Dont you think?

Lost my bracelet while diving. I’d lost it the last time around in Sylhet too. My bro fished it out last time. This time it stayed there; it obviously wanted to.

Got to climb up to the top of Madhob Kundo falls this time. Its nice up there. Had something like a natural hot tub. It was hard enough for us boys and Ishita – the Iron Lady made it look easy. Three cheers for her! Hip! Hip!! Hurray!!!

The youngsters played a lot many tricks. Scared a lot of people with that musk. You shoulda seen my roomie running for his life.

Advice for would be explorers: The five layer tea is really no good. Go for the super deluxe instead.

No rain the entire time.

Great gig in the sky

Sigh…remind me not to share any whacky thoughts in here from now on. Seems like there are too many around who can mess around with it. From now on Weatherman is going straight. No more jokes. :(

ZB – am running out of hats here. So this time will just kneel down and rub my nose on the floor.

PS: HEY! DID I JUST GIVE U ANOTHER IDEA?? SPARE ME THIS ONE DUDE! P L E A S E!! I promise I will return your Northern Exposure DVDs…(boo hoo hoo…WAIL!)

A Feast of Friends

Wow, Im sick of doubt
Live in the light of certain
South
Cruel bindings.
The servants have the power
Dog-men and their mean women
Pulling poor blankets over
Our sailors

Im sick of dour faces
Staring at me from the tv tower.
I want roses in my garden bower; dig?
Royal babies, rubies
Must now replace aborted
Strangers in the mud
These mutants, blood-meal
For the plant thats plowed.

They are waiting to take us into
The severed garden
Do you know how pale and wanton thrillful
Comes death on a strange hour
Unannounced, unplanned for
Like a scaring over-friendly guest youve
Brought to bed

Death makes angels of us all
And gives us wings
Where we had shoulders
Smooth as ravens
Claws

No more money, no more fancy dress
This other kingdom seems by far the best
Until its other jaw reveals incest
And loose obedience to a vegetable law.

I will not go
Prefer a feast of friends
To the giant family.

~ The Doors

[Download]

Three cheers for ZB!

ZB left today. Guess it still hasn’t sunk in. “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” – read the official farewell. Well…we are smiling all right and showing all teeth. :D Who needed that fat SOB around anyway?

Hope you get there my friend. Its been good. Wont ever find a better man to work with. It is the end but hope it’s the beginning that many of us were looking for. (y)

So, ZB, why did the chicken cross the read? ;) Never mind the old crap. Here is to a new beginning. –

THREE CHEERS FOR ZB!
HIP! HIP!! HURRAH!!!

random keystrokes

Well, it seems the trick to make things work is to mix ‘em up. Like, its probably a good idea to have songs from various artists instead of just one; sometimes listening to whole albums just makes you miss the one good song in it. And then, instead of hanging with just one person, its probably more fun to hang with three. Theres got to be variety. Sure, you probably like Hemingway and read any of his stuff that you can find. Or finish up all the Foundation books you can get after you read one. But then again, they arnt the only book you want to ever read. Is it?

Ok so you stand before a great work of art, a painting, a book or a movie. You really love it and you keep on going back to it from time to time. You say its your favorite shit. But you do take your eyes off of it to look at other things. You try to…mix it up I guess.

A person’s life can be a true work of art. May be he made a zillion sacrifices along the way, shown many Godly jesters, made many beautiful things. Or may be he just lived right. Think about all the temptations that came his way, think about all the times he shone through, think about all those roads he walked down and all those doors he knocked on. You see it and feel amazed. But do you really get into it? You read a line, you like it and you paste it on your msn. Even think how much pain and anguish he sage suffered to figure that one simple truth? You never do.

So, what the point of it all? Point is I got too much time in my hands to write and you my friend, got too much time to read. GET BACK TO WORK YO!

Imprint on you

I randomly separate stanzas
Maybe because of pauses in my life
That keeps me feeling safe
Like I can rewind on bad days
Childish?

But its true that I like you, I love you .... and what not

And you smell like rain
In hugs and kisses
And all that....

~ From Writing poetry, Pranab Kairy

The picture and poem is by an young artist, Pranab Kairy. Tanm had blogged about him and ZB wouldn’t let me rest till I checked it out. Well…I guess this is what they call a true talent. Can make an average person feel mighty unworthy. :(

Amakey Bebohar Korun

reject says:
may b....upload korar cheshta korbo
reject says:
and send u a link
reject says:
hehe
reject says:
use of office resources
tanim says:
if they catch you.. take a cyanide tablet
reject says:
hmm....good idea
reject says:

reject says:
hey...if u wanted to kill yourself....which way would u go?
tanim says:
hmmm... never thot of that one
tanim says:
i'd like to go quietly while sleeping or sometihng
tanim says:
not a fan of pain, or a bang
tanim says:

tanim says:
so, chemicals i suppose
tanim says:
maybe a ganja overdose
tanim says:
hehhe
reject says:
ganja overdose will b hard to pull
reject says:
can go wrong
reject says:
u may wake up in a hospital
tanim says:
hehe.. i know.. its insane
tanim says:
but whats your point?
tanim says:

reject says:
well...there has to be one?
tanim says:
nah.. kidding
reject says:
naah...just think abt it...if u really wanna go....u need to do it right. right? would b rather embarassing if u woke up the next day with all sorts of ppl around u
tanim says:
oh.. accha.. .send the videos to my gmail account...
tanim says:
go hide in those garbage things, which says "Amakey Bebohar Korun" (Use Me)
tanim says:
cause for all its life, you have ignored it.... so let it be your final kind gesture to that which only existed for our benefit and we ignored it
tanim says:
happily
tanim says:
i;m sure the smelll wil kill ya sooner or later

The bullet car

I'll dance to the funky tune,
Howl at the moon,
And forget for one day,
What lurks at bay.

I want to shake off this skin,
Go for a spin,
Turn a new leaf, if I may.
I want to be the mad man
While I still can,
Go out in a big blaze,
Raise hell along my way.

I want to get out of this chair,
And throw it down the stairs,
Then run into the wall,
Bang the head and fall,
Make that last call,
And drop the damned ball.
If thats what it takes,

So help me God, my inner strength,
Or whatever the fuck you are.
Time no longer, Time to run
Go get me a bullet car.

[the last four lines were actually in one of my old ones. They were in my head all day today. Dug up that poem and then dint like it one bit. Then, somehow wrote the whole thing fresh. It aint much but had fun writing it, again. =D Showed ZB and he said, - "don't be surprised if one day you see all standing around you and someone in a cold voice say .. amit .. we need to talk my dear"]

Happy Birthday

The day be blessed.
May the rain wash away the dirt;
May happyness and comfort surround you and your loved ones.
May you be reborn in a life of truth, beauty and love.
Happy birthday.

dont ask, dont read

Catch phrases and clichés sum up my life
I’ve walked the walk, talked the talk
And at the end of the day I’m here
Drowning like a rock

I have seen you, happy and shining
Playing in the sun, living a day
I’ve seen your houses, cozy and warm
And thought “may be one day”

And Now I know
That that radiant glow
Wont ever be the halo
Around my thorny crown

Not all can want
What everybody wants
Not all may have
What all must have

So why try to make a point?
Why bother sticking around
In this shitty li’l joint?
Didn’t I serve my time?

The pictures and songs
O they are so many
Faceless names, Yakov and Laney
What if the ghosts aren’t real?

May b I don’t care no more
Don’t wanna walk, through that door
May be they don’t mean a shit
May b I’m just a freaking bore

May be I’m just outta luck
Or may be I don’t give a fuck
You lose a hand, you lose the buck
Why in hell should I care?

You tell me theres a bit of God
In me, in you and all poor sods
But he aint really around much. Is he?
So I’m gonna go look for him.

counting crows

Woke up late and missed the swimming slot. I made a run for it but the pool was already closed. Saw a bunch of crows bathing in the near by playground; it was flooded for some reason. Was quite a sight – the bunch of them rolling and flip-flopping in the sun. You could tell they were having hell of a time and you wished you could join them. Oh well…at least somebody got to take a bath!

A relaxing weekend (?)

What a day! Sunny called around 11 and told me to get dressed. We were supposed to go swimming. Packed up my stuff in a hurry and ran for it. Its been a while since I went for a dip and it was fun. The season just started and the water was great – looked all pretty and clear and blue. We played this game which Sunny called sleeping in the water in which you go down to the bottom of the pool and try to stay there for as long as you can. I barely made 16 secs. Sunny did better – 24 seconds each time. At 1 o’clock we walked down to the mosque. Sunny went in to say his prayers while I waited at the park reading. They were shooting a scene for a TV show in the park and when Sunny came back we joined the crowd of spectators to catch a glimps of the actresses. Sadly there werent any. Only a bunch of guys trying to look hunky. We got bored within a minute and took a rickshow to Chankharpool where we’d have our lunch at Nirob hotel. We had a great meal! The table was full of all sorts of small dishes; got to pick from all sorts of vortas (mashed dishes – local delicatseens) you could think of. And then Sunny had fish and I took beef. We were happy. A school friend called and asked me to meet him somewhere. Didn’t really want to go but said I would. Been a while since we left the school. Most of them are married now and have moved on; things just don’t click at times. And Sunny and I were having a rather good time already. We went down to have tea near DU (Dhaka University) library and then went down to Charukola (Fine arts institue) where they held the weekly painting fair (Chobi Mela). Neither of us know anything about paintings but like looking at them. I really liked the one titled “The bird and she”. There was another one we liked that had a form of a woman with a head of a bird. The saree worn by the figure transformed into a mermaid’s fin at the end. Quite extraordinary!

Dropped Sunny off on the way and went to meet my friend. It turned out it was a wedding. I told my friend I couldn’t possibly go in looking like the roadkill I was, with my torn sandal, shabby jeans and dirty shirt. Not to mention my messed up hair, bloodshot eyes and the unshaven face. Not that I look any better any other time but I do clean up a little before going to formal ceremonies. (At least I try) But I really don’t go to any with a paper bag, torn at the bottom, containing wet towels and shorts. Well, lets just add this to my list of awkward moments. What the hell, who says weddings can not have clowns? Anyhow, we had a great time afterwards at Coffe world where we stayed for too long. They had to ask us to leave after 4 hours. They were really decent about it. That’s more than I can say about the schmuck banging on the men’s room door. He wasn’t such a macho man when I burst out and asked him to hold his water. Dumb fuck! I am glad I went; we had a real nice time after a long time and that too without any liqure. Just that I was supposed to go see my granny at the hospital who is recovering from a major surgery and I forgot all about it. Now there is no time and I’m sleepy as hell. Think I’m gonna cancel the movie tonight. And I thought I’d get to relax this weekend!

Painted Veil

Slowing down after the mad week of working 12 hour shifts and coming home at midnight. Wasn’t too bad. Not been feeling anything. Not been thinking. Not been dreaming.

Watched a good one last night. Painted Veil. The directorial debut of Edward Norton and Naomi Watts. They also starred in it. Excellent! Am a Norton fan. The Illusionist was a little disappointing. But this one hit it all the way.

And Naomi. . . .sigh….sigh….sigh………she is…sigh…she is beautiful!

Doyal Baba

Been hung up on this for quite a while now. Shoulda blogged this earlier.
http://www.youtube.com/v/FFbA4OZow7s

If I could I’d give the guy an Oscar. The lyric, the moves, the performance! Man! Poetry in motion! Brilliant!!

Found a translation at http://www.xanga.com/IndusCreed. Modified it a little.

Enjoy.

The faces of God

Been reading about the mysteries and power of myths. What are myths? The music that we never hear but dance to all our lives? The road map to our minds and souls? May be the truths that reveals the faces of God?

The truth remains the same; time and place just gives it a different name, says the wise. Why do we search for it? I don’t know. May be I really am beginning to figure things out a little. I wish I could explain it. The patterns are beginning to fall in places - the stories, the songs, the poems and words of wisdom – they are forming shapes that I can not describe. I guess its all nonsense. Enough already.

Was reading this last night - http://www.barefootsworld.net/seattle.html. Hope this will make up for the crap above.

Ekushe February

21st February. The world has recognized the sacrifices our countrymen have made for our mother tongue by making it INTERNATIONAL MOTHER LANGUAGE DAY. On this day every year, thousands gather at the foot of the Shahid Minar (Martyrs Monument) to pay their respects. This year, I went there for the first time in my life. Quite an experience! Standing in the line for hours till finally you get to take your shoes off and walk past the Shahid Minar. Thought about the people that died today, people who ignored the guns pointed at them and moved onwards shouting slogans till the bullets silenced them forever. The bullets failed though…the slogans survived to live forever. “Rastro Vasha Bangla Chai.” They had a cause to fight for and they fought till the very end.

Later that night we had a real good time at the party. I had the most amazing conversation with a newspaperman who told me how we need to let go of ourselves before we can figure out the truth. Before we can really create, we have to get beyond ourselves, forget our individual identities to become one with the truth. Or may be he said something very different and I didn’t really get it. The point is, I enjoyed my time talking crap as did he. There was this guy from Australia who made really good drinks. The booze ran out before anyone really got a taste. Gave us a cause to fight for. So times are a little bad and its risky to get caught out there on the streets, at this hour of the night, with something illegal. But we didn’t care. Off to the ATM, out comes the cash, jump on a CNG and race to mohakhali at half past 5 in the morn. Wake the guards up and bribe them to bring you a bottle. Back home before you knew it. We had a good time. Somebody corrected me when I pronounced Jessore instead of Joshor. “I really hate it when people pronounce Bangla words according to English spellings.” I apologized. The guy is right.
“So how come we are all talking in English the whole time although we all speak Bangla?”
“I dunno”
“Cheers mate! To you man! You are the best bartender ever!”

Amar vaiyer rokte rangano ekushe February
Ami ki vulite pari?
(How can I forget 21 February, the day daubed with my brothers’ blood)

Rediscovering Bangladesh in Asif’s flickr

Been working with Asif vai for the last coupla years. Under his gentle and sober exterior the guy packs a mean sense of humor. He makes cell phone games to kill the time. It seems its not the only thing he is good at. Check out his flickr - http://flickr.com/photos/a-s-i-f/

Man! This sure is beautiful country with beautiful people. Wonder why we never see it that way.

bad start

I knew it was a bad idea when I agreed to go to the card game on a weeknight. Everybody was thinking about going to work in the morning and nobody really had much cash on them so you can imagine how boring the game turned. Tried to logon to the internet around 3 am in the mron and found the line dead. Ping…Response time out…
Smoked half a dozen cigarettes in the next two hours lying on the cold floor, trying not to think about stuff. Masum wont go to sleep and kept talking crap, playing with the phone and put all sorts of things in my head. Cell phones, wish they were never invented. They can be a pain when they ring. They can be a worse pain when they just wont ever ring.

Saw Foks, Mayasoom and Mastor getting ready to leave. I thought I’d stay in but for some reason decided to come home. Got a taxi easily enough and was real happy to find Foks had smokes on him. Looked out the window and watched the mad city slowly waking up on a misty morning. Was driving by the old airport and saw the whole orange sun disc rising, - a perfect circle. Was it pretty? May be. I was somewhere else. I hated it, all of it. I wanted to leave that road right away. I wished I’d never had to take that one again. I wanted to leave it all, the cab, the road, the city. Its over for me. I don’t want any of it and the city doesn’t want me.

Give me back my wings mean Skies! Give ‘em back so I can go away.

I’ll make my peace

I’ll make my peace with the world
Although it’s a mess, God Bless,
I’ll do what I can to clean up.

I’ll make my peace with the world
Although it makes me feel I don’t belong,
I’ll try and find my place in it.

I’ll make my peace with the world
Even though its far from perfect.
I’ll do my share to make good.

I’ll make my peace with the world
Although it drives me mad.
I’ll pipe down and say its not all bad.

I’ll make my peace with the world
Cause you are in it
And that makes it all worthwhile.

11

ZB did it again! What can I say…the guy is too good. If you have a thing for nonsense, go check out 11.

Happy Valentine’s

It rained all night last night. Can make one feel worse than they have to. You put the phone away cause you know it will never ring. Try not to think about things. Watch Northern Exposure, crack jokes with the brothers, the clock ticks away, ever so slowly. Go to bed early only to realize you cant escape. Try to put that away, think about things to come, the promises the future holds. When nothing works, gulp down those sleeping pills and you are done with the night.

At work you actually do something for a change. Go out with co-workers and have a good time at lunch. Crack a lot many ‘maggot’ jokes that work. “I love you dude” says your buddy to celebrate the occasion. Not too bad a day. Hope it gets you through the night.

Why do we need this day anyway? Its special for people who are already happy. And who aren’t at that place it simply makes them more miserable. Bah! Well…don’t take me too seriously now. Just blowing off a li’l steam. In fact I got a great many reasons to be happy. So then…I’m off to celebrate. Have a good one people. Celebrate love and beauty. At the end of day, theres only so much that makes it worthwhile.

Setting off the crazy alarm!

Blame it on the wet wind

I hate it when you think
That this isn’t the time
And theres still time
To wait for the time.

My friend, its probably true
That patience is a virtue.
But you see,
For folks like you and me
Theres all the time in the world to be virtuous,
But the world’s got no time for us.
Moments – they make haste
Only to freeze for a split second
(to wink at us)
If today we miss the bus,
And tomorrow we make a fuss,
There'd be no point really.
That’d just be silly.

Don’t you see?
I’d let it all slip away.
I’d watch the sands slip through my figures
And laugh at them.
Believe me.

I wouldn’t give a damn if
I oversleep
N miss my own gig, any gig,
But I’d give it all to hold back
The ones with you.
For you see, I’ve let too many
And they cost me a pretty penny.
It took me a while but now I know
I should never let you go.

I want you here, with me, now.
I want to be with you, here, now,
When the wet wind blows,
And love flows,
I kneel before thee, time
And take a bow.

Grant me my wish. Stay.
Don’t let this slip away.

The wet wind

The wet wind is making me mad. One of these days I’m gonna set off the crazy alarm. You’ll see. Gonna flush you out in the open, rob you blind, take what is mine. You’ll see.

Hopeless

Cant say I went without. Have had my days. Had been a lot of things – the mystery man, the friendly ghost, the talking monkey, the weekend escapade, the dark secret, the sweet mistake, the disposable toy. Well…like I said, cant say I didn’t get any. Just that, for once, I’d like to cut it for real. To have everything that goes with it – good and bad. Like quitting smokes and taking showers and dressing well. Not like I didn’t try it. Just doesn’t go that way. May be I missed it and didn’t even know it. Or may be its just me. Oh well…

There's no doubt
The situation's dumb.
Hopeless even - one might add
Days go by - each one bad.

If this is not the case
Then would you tell me please?
Why do I act the fool?
Lock myself and loose the keys.

Why can't I just walk up
As a normal person would
And ignore all that hiccup
And say the things I should

Time waits for no one.
And it won't for me.
I must find my river
Before I find my sea.

After so much nothing
This remains to be said,
Don't bother my words
Just go to bed.

Wrote this during a psych 101 class. That was a long time ago. Things didn’t change much I guess.

Acquainted with the Night

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain – and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unhealthy height,
A luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

~ Robert Frost

Highway Exit - Wayne Jiang

The Question

Love, a question
has destroyed you.

I have come back to you
from thorny uncertainty.

I want you straight as
the sword or the road.

But you insist
on keeping a nook
of shadow that I do not want.

My love,
understand me,
I love all of you,
from eyes to feet, to toenails,
inside,
all the brightness, which you kept.

It is I my love,
who knocks at your door.
It is not the ghost, it is not
the one who once stopped
at your window.
I knock down the door:
I enter your life:
I come to live in your soul:
you cannot cope with me.

You must open the door to me,
you must obey me,
you must open your eyes
that I may search in them,
you must see how I walk
with heavy steps
along all the door
that, blind, were waiting for me.

Do not fear,
I am yours,
but
I am not passenger or the beggar,
I am your master,
the one you were waiting for,
and now I enter
your life,
no more to leave it,
love, love, love,
but to stay.

~ Pablo Neruda

Found this in a free e-book with 61 of his poems.

Hotel California

I asked Tanim about it but then we didn’t finish the conversation. Does it ever happen to you folks that you suddenly remember an old song and keep thinking about it and then it kinda goes around. You hear it playing on the radio, in your coworkers PC or on a friend’s play list? Well…I’ve been remembering Hotel California a lot lately. Used to sing it all the time once upon a time (who didn’t!). I was thinking I had never really figured out what the song was about.

So I googled it and all sorts of explanations turned up. I really didn’t like the Satanic cult mumbo jumbo. Although those had the most enthusiastic reasoning based on facts and tit bits. They just didn’t cut it for me. This one made the most sense to me –

“The truth proves far less satisfying than the myriad rumors that have sprung up around this song.
Hotel California is an allegory about hedonism and greed in Southern California in the 1970s. At the time of its release, the Eagles were riding high in the music world, experiencing material success on a frightening level. Though they thoroughly enjoyed the money, drugs, and women fame threw their way, they were disquieted by it all and sought to pour that sense of unease into their music and to warn others about the dark underside of such adulation.
In a 1995 interview, Don Henley said the song "sort of captured the zeitgeist of the time, which was a time of great excess in this country and in the music business in particular." In another interview that same year, he referred to it as being about a "loss of innocence."
The album has as its underlying theme the corruption of impressionable rock stars by the decadent Los Angeles music industry. The celebrated title track presents California as a gilded prison the artist freely enters only to discover that he cannot later escape.
The real Hotel California is not a place; it is a metaphor for the west coast music industry and its effect on the talented but unworldy musicians who find themselves ensnared in its glittering web.”

Source: http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/hotel.htm

Hotel California Lyrics | Download Track

good morning Dhaka

Sometimes I wish I had one of those fancy phones with good cameras. Like this morning while I was coming to work, Dhaka looked a little different somehow. Seemed as if the mist has made the whole city drowsy…everything was moving in slow motion. Even the cars weren’t honking as madly as they usually do during the morning rush. The trees looked dusty but pretty still. There was one tree that had big round leaves, half of which have turned red. Looked real nice that one. Wish I could post a picture and show you what its all about. Oh well…just take my word for it – it was a beautiful morning.

Tagged

Nowal tagged me a while back. I was gonna pass it on but wasn’t really sure what to do and then kinda forgot about it. Now that Bodda tagged me too and asked to pass it on to other five, well, I figure I better do it right away cause otherwise I wont have any blogs to tag. Now five things about me…well…here goes –

1. Am probably the luckiest person on Earth. Something always comes up and turns things around for me. The things that went wrong in my life…hell they coulda been much worse.
2. I talk too much. Many good jokes go bad this way.
3. Always have to figure things out; things I don’t get…well I cant leave ‘em alone till I’ve figured them out.
4. Want to write something good someday.
5. Spiders scare the shit outta me. I know they are gentle, clean creatures. Why on Earth they need so many legs! A few weeks back I went to a bookstore with a friend of mine. There was this book on exotic pets. My friend warned me but I went ahead and opened. Eeewwwwwwwww. Lets just say everybody in the store had an anecdote to share when they got back home.

Lets see, I tag Shakia, Elita, ZB, Bfob and Morticia.

Tonight I can write

When reality hits you in the face and truths change what do you do? You bounce back, pick up the pieces and move on. To be free you clean the house; make sure there aint any bitterness left. But what do you do with the good stuff? What do you do when you remember the things been said. Even if they were all lies, don’t they cut it at all? Well…the spoken words, the spent times, the drunken eyes…can a man ever really let go?

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, `The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not

The same night, whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

~ Pablo Neruda
[translated by W.S. Merwin]

Northern Exposure

Cant thank ZB enough for Northern Exposure. Don’t believe I have seen a better TV show. The directors, screen writers, actors – well they are just…well I wont even try. The characters, the scenes, the concepts…how on Earth people come up with things like that and pull ‘em off! I hope they will all die horrible deaths for making folks like us feel so little. People who actually read the boring stuff in this blog should definitely try that show.

Feel like copying everything I hear in the show in here. Especially the bits from ‘Chris in the morning’ (a radio show hosted by the character Chris, a lanky ex-con turned philosopher). For now chew on this –

“We dance round in a ring and suppose, While the secret sits in the middle and knows”
~ Robert Frost

Forgot to mention – the soundtrack is just as good. I hope Najmee brings me back a CD.

And the fall to doom a long way

[drafted this this morning. Forgot to post]

Had a number of things going wrong. First my check bounced with the matured FDR money and nobody had any idea where it went. Then turned the house upside down but couldn’t locate the IBA admit card which had my role number in it. Then things are not ship shape at work – still am slow. Now on top of that I am sick again. But somehow been feeling all right with it all. Just hate the physical weakness that’s all. I wonder whats been keeping me happy. Well…guess you don’t have to be analyzing all the time. Do you? Lemme just share something nice instead.

Should the wide world roll away
Leaving black terror Limitless night,
Nor God, nor man, nor place to stand
Would be to me essential
If thou and thy white arms were there
And the fall to doom a long way.

- Stephan Crane

I am what I am??

‘I am what I am’ – saw this stuck up on a car window this morning. Think it’s a slogan from a sports product. Catchy no doubt. Does it work outside product marketing? I mean for real? Who knows!

I am what I am. Sure! So what am I anyway? I guess the line is for people who have already worked that out. Great! They’ve done a lot if you ask me. Well then…may be its not that big a deal. You just look into the mirror, stand up on a scale, look at your grade or performance index at work, talk to some people and you know. Ok. So you know what you are. Now its nice to accept yourself for whatever you are. So you are a grotesque looking thing weighing 400 lbs who is selfish and mean and like to kill people for the heck of it. But that’s what you are and people should accept you that way? No freaking way my fucked up friend. Get your act together before we have to can you. Its that simple.

We hear so many things these days. Everywhere you look there is a sign. From Coca cola to boka pola everybody has a philosophy. Just that nobody really believes in any of it. Where is the time anyway. Just shake your booty if the tune is catchy and sing along and then say “cheer up dude! Lifes too fucking short; enjoy every moment of it.” Well…tell you what brothers and sisters. I’m just as ‘fun loving’ as the next guy out there. But I’m telling you. We got it wrong somewhere.

Well…do I have something concrete? Well…just this – you cant be enjoying ourselves if the people around us aren’t. Life…its just not living only for yourself. You gotta do the right thing by you and by everybody else. You cant take things for granted. And you gotta make 10 people around you happy. That doesn’t guarantee your own happiness but you still gotta do it. Too damn hard? Well nobody says its gonna be ez. But we just gotta pull it off somehow. At least I’m sure you can. (y)

just hitting the keys

Got so many things to blog about. Things been happening. I could write about the ‘holy crap’ that’s been coming to my mind. You know, its one of those times when you get to thinking you have finally figured it out – what the holy people had been saying, the divine plan, you place in it and the mischief of the dark one. That doesn’t make you John the Baptist, but you feel good somehow. You find a reason to bet on goodness, Godliness. You need only to look inside you and you find him there and he is all the things the holy books said he’d be. Merciful, forgiving, everlasting. To all the holy men who have walked this Earth, spoken to us words of wisdom and eternal salvation, bled and endured and died, Thank you all.

I also wanted to write about the letter I got from an old friend of mine. He has always been true to his heart. Hope it finds some one to give it to one of these days. The letter came with a present – was rather moved by the gesture. You cant believe how nice the guy really is; he even added an apology in the letter for not having a good enough taste to buy good gifts for people. The thing that he went into a store, looked at a thing …and wanted to get it for me…its amazing really. We should be thankful for the few good friends we pick up along the way. I dunno if I will ever be able to get big enough to return the gesture. But I’m sure as hell he’d never expect anything in return.

Finally the depressing news – Nowal shut down her blog. No more brown baby. You know, in life you come across places that you like to drop by from time to time, places that makes you feel good. Could be a lonely corner of a park, a decent coffee shop, a comfortable chair in a bar or a web page. They become a home to you without you knowing it and you take ‘em for granted. Then …they get closed down, shut down or something like that and you cant go there anymore. I dunno…it can hit you harder than you think. I’m sure a hell lot of people out there feel the same way about spazzedme. To all the pricks who made her do this – FUCK YOU ALL.

denial

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things
To yield with a grace to reason
And bow and accept at the end
Of a love or a season

~ Rober Frost

rubber ducky

almost there says:
rubber ducky shorao (get rid off the rubber ducky from msn dp)
pig in the big city says:
haha…why?
pig in the big city says:
kharap ta ki? (whats so bad about it?)
almost there says:
helpless
pig in the big city says:
so it is!
pig in the big city says:
but looks happy all the same
almost there says:
not really
almost there says:
got that sadness that comes with that pouted painted red smile
pig in the big city says:
ah! the red lips of a clown
almost there says:
yep
pig in the big city says:
who says the smile isnt real though?
pig in the big city says:
may be not as real for the ducky
pig in the big city says:
but the world will probably smile with it
pig in the big city says:
thats real enough
almost there says:
at its cost
pig in the big city says:
forget the price tags for a while. will u?
almost there says:
the world will smile at its cost...
almost there says:
charlie chaplin was the saddest most misunderstood and helpless person ever
pig in the big city says:
but made great movies
almost there says:
so was most comics
almost there says:
the world smiled at them..the wrold aint such a good thing
pig in the big city says:
but it still means the 'world' to us
almost there says:
lol

just cause

tanim says:
chichinga painai
duped says:
borboti?
tanim says:
kono shobjiy na... just chikkkkken
tanim says:
we are saving the vegetables for the vegetarians
tanim says:
oder ja koshto.. amar shojjo hoynba
duped says:
dunia'r shob cheye abused prani ki bolen to?
tanim says:
murgi
tanim says:
thats why there are PETA people protesting outside Kentucky Fried Chicken
tanim says:
naki?
duped says:
lol
duped says:
PETA ppl?
duped says:
what is their problem anyway?
tanim says:
they say KFC dont treat the chicken nice before they cut them up and fry them
duped says:
LOLLOLOLOL
duped says:
this is one joke even the chickens would find funny
tanim says:
its pretty crazy, people are looking for their CAUSE you know...
duped says:
lol
duped says:
now I'm gonna post this conversation on my blog! this is way to good
tanim says:
no no no
tanim says:
i dont some PETA people outside my house!
tanim says:
bhoy paisi.. tomar shathey ekhon theke shabdhaney kotha boltey hobe
duped says:
well...dont worry man...the PETUK ppl will come to your aid
tanim says:
and take my chicken away! tokhon ami ki khabo?

US VISA

A friend applied for the US VISA. His wife has a malignant tumor in the abdomen and is undergoing chemo therapy. The guy never knew happiness before he had fallen in love with the girl. His mother died when he was a little boy and the women his dad remarried turned out to be a step mom from horror stories. He even suffered while he was dating as the two families were not in good terms and there were all sorts of trouble going on.

Now things were just starting to look good. They got married. The guy just got a good job. For once in his life, he had things. And then this.

“Sorry, I cant grant you a VISA. You don’t have enough social ties over here.”
“What would you do if this had happened to your spouse? Wouldn’t you want to be there with him? Could you work normally?”
“I know this is hard”

Is this world fucked up? Or is this world fucked up?

Chocolate

“Its over! Its really over!!”
“She wont ever come again”
“Wont ever hear her voice”
“Wont ever kiss those lips”
“She is not mine!!!”
“I can do nothing to change things…its all gone!”
“Just like that…its all gone”
“It was never there…”
“I wont ever have it, I’d have to do without”

“They are having cakes upstairs”
“Cakes? What for?”
“Birthday”
“Whose birthday?”
“Richard’s”
“Chocolate cake?”
“YESS!!!”

:D And then there was happiness.

nothing but wall

Distant voices, I call out to thee.
Flashlight beams, keep me blinded
Through the days that come and go
And I keep on running to and fro
Feeding, nesting, scaling doors,
Doin stupid math and silly chores.
Lost in traffic I just wont see
That space in the picture that coulda been me.

But when the days keep you out
And theres too much hiss ‘n shout
And then suddenly they all make sense
- I get what they’re about.
I wonder if they all were true,
Wonder if you knew them too,
Did you ever think you’d bet on ‘em?
‘n paint the cows blue?

weird world

Lately, everybody’s been complaining that I make things way more complicated than they have to be. I get weird things better that way, but I spoil the fun in more obvious things.

This weekend I went to shoot pool with an old friend. Its been a while since I played and I was sure I’d suck at it. Oddly enough, I made most of the shots with complicated angles real easy. Trouble is I missed most of the simple ones (ok…so I lost most of the games). My friend tells me that I play exactly like me, that is, I am no good at it, if things are simple.

Then at work a coworker asks me a simple question and I give her all sorts of explanations except for the answer she was looking for. She loses her patience and tells me to relax and take it easy. She tells me the same thing – “Take things simple for once”.

The same is happening to more serious relationships. “Stop guessing. Don’t try anything. Stop talking.” – I need to learn all that.

I suppose I really need to fix a couple of things about myself. I will be doing the best I can. Just that I cant help but feel mad at the world at times. I didn’t start looking for angles just like that you know; I did not invent them. They were just there I suppose. Can I help it if I learnt them the hard way and then saw the same patterns in other things? Can I help it if most of the hunches turn out to be true? Is it my fault if the system works for years flawlessly and then suddenly the world becomes perfect? The angles jumped me when I didn’t know them. I didn’t complain. Figured that’s the way things are and moved on. I tried my best to keep things straight. Kept my distance where the angles weren’t right. Things worked! Now the world decides to change without a notice? How dare it??

101 bad jokes

During the last smoke break ZB, RB and I were talking about Pink Floyd. Near the end the strangest, most ridiculous, hideous thought came to me. What if the only way the three of us could catch a Pink Floyd concert is by agreeing to replace the three chorus chicks in white gowns. I’d be all chirpie, ZB would make like a respectable old maid and RB would be just depressed and go on saying “Faggot, shamggot, Bah!” . He didn’t like the idea one bit. He wants to be a ‘light boy’ instead. Thats kinda faggy too if you ask me.

I guess its not that funny if you cant visualize us swinging to the beat in white gowns. And frankly I hope you don’t. Have a look at this instead – http://www.k10k.net/

Scroll down the page and read the comic strips. Click on previous for more. I liked this one the most -

Century

I thought post number 100 would be special but I guess that aint happenning.

Just got this from ZB; Hope you'll like it as much as I did. :D
http://independentsources.com/2006/07/12/worst-company-urls/

Mind Game

This is kinda kool -

http://bengalifob.blogspot.com/2006/08/mind-game.html#links

I'm normal. YIPPEE!! :D

Picture on my wall

I’ve been looking at this picture a lot lately (duh! Its on my desktop). I forgot where I found it. I apologize for not being able to credit the artist, or a source link for that matter.

A friend writes

[Got this letter from an old friend. I should have saved all her letters.]

"The weather was damp with the half moon breathing hard in the sky. The night's long and lonely path caressed by the sweet scent of wind. Glamour shone like a gold in a distant city - all lights shimmering, cocktalls served. The colours of silk and satin glazing.

I felt my own life moving... moving..but the body sat still.

what was life without the need? what was life without the warmth of the black suite glamour? I was watched when it was time to return and could not move. I watched carefully what I was into, I watched - lonesome were the dreadful sweet dreams.

At last I learned to move away limping. The rural setting still too far, i thought i would not fail catching up that slow simple life.

Stuck in the middle - struck by need - my old life screamed and called me names..

I wanted to stop limping. How could I get slow for the old ways? They were aged but I was not! how could opportunity be bigger than the old fashioned dreams?

I took out the peacock feathered notebook from my brown leather bag and started to scribble. Stop screaming my past, stop cursing my present. Just wanted to live. Cant be that hard! Cant be so damned hard! Can't bear the loss.

Needed one line of Nazrul's poem. The green jungle of passion, The questionable thoughts and the strength to become completely drunk by one person's presence.

Catch hold of the time not the gold watch. That my friend is of no use."

A long walk

Had a looong walk today! All the way from Banani to Bijoy Sharani. Probably 7/8 kilos. Why? Don’t ask. Where did I get all that energy after work? I’m not working as hard as I should be. Now, was it fun? It was ok. What did I see on the way? Nothing at all. I guess there was a piece if the sky during the detour through old DOHS. That area is not as crowded as most part either. Add to that the lightness of the head due to starvation. It wasn’t too bad. Met some friends about an hour later in Mohammadpur. Devoured the chaap (deshi steak as Tanm would put it) like a pig. Oh, right! I always eat like that. It wasn’t too bad either. How am I doing? Not so good.

Statement of the day –

“There are a couple of times when philosophy is the least of your concerns. One is when you get food after waiting for it a long time. Another time is when you are constipated.”

Think its no good? Sue me!

Hello!

Yes sirrie! I’ve committed many sins under the sun.
Now the table has turned; Oh! What have I done!

Sigh…my many sins have finally caught up with me. Thinking about all the wonder years of my life; ran free and wild and picked on anybody who’d so much as pick up the phone and say “hi, I’ll call you back later” in the middle of an adda (traditional group chat sessions during which you smoke an unlimited number of cigarettes and drink 5-10 cups of tea;). I dunno what your reputation is. May be you’re the firecracker of your bunch. May be nobody’s pulled one over you and lived to tell the tale. But believe you me, you wouldn’t want to be on the wrong end of the tea stall mod (consisting of a dozen extremely insensitive chick less guys) jokes.

Ma had a heart attach when she saw last months phone bill (good thing she didn’t see the cell phone bills). But that’s not the worst part. Last week I was eating out with my girl and there was a pause and then out of the blue I said, “hello, how r ya?” Well, I thought it was no big deal and then forgot about it. A few days later I was out with my best cousin, his girl and another cousin. The food was good and we were talking about all sorts of things. Then suddenly out of the blue, I blurted out, “Hello!” It freaked me out! I quickly scanned all their faces and it looked like none of them noticed it. Phew! That’s a relief! Think again! I did it again tonight after dinner. And this time everybody made it. Wonder when I’ll do it at work and then I’d have nowhere else to go in this town. Should start packing my bags before they all get here with tar and feathers. :(

PS. This is one lame post! I was advised to do one on the ‘Agriculture of Bangladesh’ instead. Shoulda listened to her.

half of what I say

[found this on goatman's blog]

Half of what I say is meaningless; but I say it so that the other half may reach you.
...Kahlil Gibran
Sand and Foam

Guess you’ll never know

Guess you’ll never know
How much I want to hold you this morning,
Beads of raindrops dangling from the leaves,
Soft sparkles in the eastern light,
To all hearts they bring delight
Except for the one
That aches for you.

Beautiful raindrops, droplets of pearls
What good are they, to me?
When its you I long to see
How sad it will be
To see the moment flee
For I’ve misplaced the key
That once unlocked your heart.

cute stuff

Can someone please translate this for me? *-)

http://mudhadatmulawanah.blogspot.com/

stupid comments

I was just reading Shakia’s blog and I found this post rather interesting -
http://khsh.blogspot.com/2006/08/re-when-frustration-knocks-door.html

Shakia should be proud she’s got a friend who can writes letters like that! A man of good sense no doubt! I am not about to agree or disagree with his arguments opinions on issues concerning the Lebanon war as I don’t know much about it really. (I know I should and I hope my readers will forgive my naivety) However, I found the writers reasoning and logic rather stimulating.

Now I dunno much about anything but I feel like sharing my thoughts about the middle east crisis. These aren’t facts and figures and rather just emotional junk like the rest of my posts. So there…don’t expect much from them. Ok here goes –

A. Does it matter how Israel came to be? May be the West dumped their shame and guilt somewhere else; may be they got their by force, or may be it was meant to be. Thing is generations of Jewish people have born and died on that land now and its their home. They are there to stay.
B. Arabs/Muslims have always been there and are not going anywhere.
C. Systematic extermination of a Muslims or Jews or any race for that matter is not an option these days. Or is it?
D. Is it at all possible for the people of Israel to find peace by making their neighbors miserable? Is that the way a regular Israeli wants things to be?
E. Its obvious people must learn to coexist. How is the ‘enlightened’ West helping the situation by justifying one side’s hostility and condemning the other?
F. Lets get back to the people. What do they want? At the end of the day people don’t want to go on killing and being killed. They want to live, love and raise kids in peace. Wont they be better off if they could use the war funds for something worthwhile? Its obvious terrorism is not looking after Islam’s best interest. The question is, are the funds coming to Israel from all sorts of places, keeping the hate alive serving Israel’s best interest?

Its obvious that the ones who are screaming about the Middle East crisis the most (i.e., the West) are the reasons behind the dreadful situation. About time they left these unfortunate people alone.

[+/-] show/hide this post

what a book!

Check this book out. Kinda kool.

http://pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=c96f911b3e35f9e1

Nonsense

[Just read it. Loved it. Wanted to share]

Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye,
The lover’s in the garden
The battle’s in the sky.
The banker’s in the city
Getting of his gold;
Oh isn’t it a pity
The rye can’t be sold.

The queen is drinking sherry
And dancing to a band;
A crowd may well feel merry
That it does not understand.

The banker turns his gold about
But that won’t sell the rye,
Starve and grow cold without,
And ask the reason why
The guns are in the garden,
And the battle’s in the sky.

- Julian Bell
[Poetry of the Thirties, edited by Robin Skelton.]

Slacking Bloggers

Everybody is slacking these days. Tan hasn’t put up anything in weeks. Nowal is hardly keeping up her reputation. Neither is bodda who didn’t post anything new except for that reposting from another blog. My excuse for not posting – bad weather. Well…so here is my input to break the silence. Oh hell…now it sounds kinda boring. Lets not drag this farther. Just one thing before calling it a night; How many of you have liked the Sound of Music (...like the movie :p)?

monsoon weddings

An old school friend of mine is mad at me because I missed ‘all his wedding parties’. For non Bengali readers (if any), my friend got married only once. Here weddings are a big deal and usually involve three or four extravagant ceremonies. I was invited in three in this case and I managed to miss them all without good enough excuses. Now this friend of mine and I go back a long way so cant blame him for being disappointed. The fact is, I dread this sort of gatherings, especially because there will be a lot of old school friends. Odd eh? But that’s the way I feel.

Its not that I didn’t have many friends at school, in fact it was quite the opposite. Do I have school spirit? Just line up a gang from any rival school from my time and let them take a shot and then find out what happens! What about memories? Hell I got plenty to get nostalgic about; fleeing from the school James Bond style, stealing books from book fairs, getting brutally beaten up by the teachers - got ‘em all! Then I went off to a college where boys from our school have historically been the majority. So why the recent apathy to go to school gatherings?

Well…I don’t know…I guess something changed. For starters folks just don’t seem to be as open anymore, (myself included). Theres a lot more money talk and showing off going on. Then everybody is dressed up all nice and acting all strange. Of course I got a bunch of people in there who I’ve been tight with all along and not like it’s an unpopular bunch either. Still, even the folks I’m tight with, I have somehow drifted apart. The jokes aren’t what they used to be, mine are either too loud or too subtle for most part. I cant really share things about my line of work or other interests with anybody (none of them knows that I write crap). And now a days it seems I forget everything (forgot if my good fiend’s one year old is a boy or a girl) and am too scared to make a fatal mistake. Sometimes friends are bringing in their wives and I, lacking all social graces, don’t have a clue as to how I should behave around them. I mean, if she was a girl friend I guess I could just turn down the volume a bit and try to be funny. But since everyone is acting all grown up and respectable, I am just not sure if that’d be enough.

So for all that and for the fact that I’d have to go home, shave and dress up before going to each of these, I don’t feel like going at weddings. But it looks like there are going to be plenty of these now since people are turning 27 and are in a hurry to get hitched. Somebody tell me what to do. :(

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No redemption for the cursed

So it finally ends. At least I’ve been consistent with my ‘two month’ track record. Well…I guess I cant complaint; got plenty of time for myself now and (much lower phone bills). Just that I had started believing in it...thought this would be the wonderful miracle of my life. Oh well…statistics won over sensations once more! LoL! So much for broken hallelujah. :D

In my sleep

Sleep’s been chasing me all week.
I’d like nothing better (than)
To giving in;
Let it work its magic,
Let it take over my senses
As the eyelids grow heavy.

This one is a gentle lover
Never rushing me
Through phases
Taking its time,
Pouring in – little by little,
Letting it all settle.

In my sleep I’m going places
Back and forth and beyond.
Am gazing at the horizons,
Remaining ever far.
Never did venture out
- The thought’d sometimes occur.

In my sleep she comes to me;
Her voice rings so true!
In my sleep I see all colors
Even the pinkish hue.
In my sleep I see all colors
Except the shades of blue.


Sleeping Gypsy (Rousseau, 1897)

such a perv!

During the last weekly conference call at work, something caught my ears. I heard someone say - “he is dating all the fags comin”.

Of course no such thing was actually being discussed in the meeting. What she actually said was – “he is updating all the FAQs coming in”.

Somebody tell me theres still hope for me. Will ya? :$

world history

Well…here is something I found while cleaning up the PC. A lot of crap talk as usual. Do yourself a favor and stop here.

I have been reading this book on ancient history of the world and all sorts of ideas ‘ve bubbling in my head. Wipe that frawn of your face my friend I aint trying to pull anything here. It’s a book written for children but as you can see, I can not very well try to bite anything harder than that cause I don’t want to start using dentures right away. So three cheers for baby food! Anyway I’ll try to cut the crap and get to the point, if there is one.

Like I said the book was on ‘ancient history’ – it started from the time a bunch of nutty apes made the world’s first nutcrackers. Then it goes on to people farming collective lands and then they had enough tools to work on separate pieces of lands on their own and it all started at about then. There were good lands and bad lands and good yields and bad yields and good luck and bad luck. Soon some of the people had less than they needed and some had a little bit more than they could use. Long story short, after a while there were kings and slaves on this world. And oh yes there was always the middle class.

Now, it has been a while since people had learnt to farm lands and we havn’t been sitting idle. Many a great fights been fought, pyramids built on slave labor, tragedies and comedies staged, charters signed, martyrs crucified, genocides committed and freedom lost and found. People lost hope once in a while and prophets came from Gods to light a candle or two to lead them on.

With all things going on for hundreds and thousands of years, repeating themselves every now and then, a few things have been consistent throughout. People will practice unimaginable cruelty to get other people work for them – some form of slavery always exists, slaves will try to break free – although most men would rather make like a sheep and graze and bleat and make a fuss just before being slaughtered at the alter, some will go on and try to ‘change the system’ or bring about the ‘kingdom of god’ or establish communism or heal the world – something along that line. And in most cases, most of these rouge elements will be eradicated, using excessive force. Sometimes things go bad and tables get turned. Songs get written, monuments are erected, martyrs are honored and it looks like things are gonna get better this time for sure.

Now, we all know these why make such a fuss about it? It is because things are getting a little crazier every day and I along with other sheep in my herd am getting a little nervous and would like to blow off some steam by bleating as I please.

Lets face it friends, the world is small. It doesn’t have enough for all of us to live in luxury. We are too many! We would probably all have enough to eat if we could break the bread evenly but I guess that’s just asking too much. Its been tried more than once and it never really worked. Did it? Now it all gone bad and its time to set something up afresh. Christians are busy cleaning houses, Jews are busy counting bits and pennies, Muslims are too mad to figure anything and the communists are snoozing on Russian vodka and curing on the great American dream boat. What can we start anew?

Theres just not enough time to start anything! Not like people aren’t having a go at it. But we are too many and its just not that easy to get five sheep bleating the same tune. We are too many, too little to eat and too little time.

I say lets send more rockets to mars. See if we can send enough slaves there to work the fields. After the 1st generation have slaved away and died, may be the next generations will get to dream a little great ‘Martian dream’. And when theres another world to grow food on, love and plunder. We would get a few years of peace and harmony and we’d be nice to our neighbors, respect our elders, respect people’s rights and shit in both worlds. And then the war of the worlds can begin.

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headless chicken run

As tanm would put it, I’ve been quite the headless chicken lately, bumping into things, toppling over stuff and all. My minds a blank; dunno what I ought to be thinking about. It takes you years to get into a lifestyle and then zoom! You gotta change into something else! How easy is that?

The brothers want me to watch movies with them.
My gal wants me on the phone.
My boss wants me to come to the office on time.

What of the stuff that I was supposed to read?
What of moving to Canada?
What about the things I was supposed to write?
What of the lady with the radiant smile?

I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. Gotta see this through.

Meanwhile the worlds been spinning.

ZB’s been on a run. See all sorts of neat stuff on his space.

So is tanm – great posts man!

Nowals been falling down, bumping her head and cutting off her hair. That child is up to no good I tell you. It’s a good thing she’s still posting.

Oh well…its all good.

What a wonderful world

There are all sorts of ways of spending a weekend. You could watch movies all night and sleep through the next day. Then you could go out with people to have fuchka (a local delicatessen). You could also spend the day with your girl. Or may be you don’t do any of that and just lay back and stare at the wall all day (that’s a good way! Trust me!). But none of them was good for me. Noo! I am too good to be spending my time like that! Serves me right!

The plan wasn’t too bad. My lady had to finish a report, so I figured I might as well follow the family who’d gone to spend the weekend in a tea garden in Sylhet. It started decently enough; we got there at around 4 am in the morn. The tea estate was way more than what I expected! People, you should all try to spend a coupla days in a tea garden. We watched the sun come up behind the hills from the veranda. The light and the clouds made all sorts of pretty pictures in the sky. Then we went for a walk. I just can describe how beautiful it was so I aint even gonna try. I’ll just make a list of things there – lots of trees (duh!); streams of running water with fish running about to and fro; wooden bridges, wet grass after the rain; pretty little hills; squirrels; natural water fountain and the sandy tub of crystal clear cool water, sigh…I shoulda known it was too good to be true.

Right after breakfast the senior citizens shooed us into the car and drove out to see…ROCKS! A four hour trip in a hot sunny day to see ROCKS! Aint that a brilliant idea! And ROCKS we saw! There were rocks on the ground, rocks on the river bed, rocks piled up here and there, rocks on boats, people carrying rocks, big rocks, small rocks, medium rocks, rocks of all size and colors. It ROCKED all right! Hell!

Then we were on the way back. We, the guys, was beginning to hope that we’d get back in time to catch the sunset, may be even get to explore the area a little more. Sigh…men proposes and God disposes. Here God being a woman of course. The gal cousin, the only one, suddenly remembered she had her mother’s, uncle’s someone living in the area. The senior citizens asked us if we wanted to go. We said NO. So they decided to GO! Now the cousin’s mother’s uncle’s someone happens to work in a ‘famous’ manure oops, sorry, fertilizer factory. The senior citizens just couldn’t think of passing the chance to get a tour of the facility after social chit chatting for one hour. I guess we should be thankful for the opportunity! DAMN!

So we went to the manure, sorry, fertilizer factory. (note: it actually has nothing to do with dung or any of that; the stuff is made from Calcium Carbonate) Was greeted by a strong stench of Ammonia in the 1st corner. Then there was the scary powerhouse and the rest of it. Then there was the place with the thousand fountains spraying water towards the sky, too keep the powerhouse gizmos cool it seems. Saw huge cylinders spinning with attached hammer like things drumming on it. (Made quite a beat I must say, tan would probably make a tune out of it). Saw tubes and pipes fuming with, hot, hissing stuff. Then saw the white powder stash that looked like huge scoops of ice cream. They made us go into the powerhouse, which was really hot inside and made a horrific noise. Its amazing why I did not go deaf permanently. Wasn’t a total loss; I got to fulfill one of my age old fantasies which happens to be reciting all the nice and decent curses I know, on top of my voice, in the presence of the elders. Yippee! When that was done I really didn’t see any point in taking the punishment anymore so I walked out.

Just as I was coming out of the facility, I looked up at the sky and wow! Double rainbows! Full half circles! Right there! The biggest the most distinct ones I’d ever seen. So I guess the day wasn’t a total loss. So what if most of it was shitty and your gal tells you later that she did not need the whole day and could make a few hours to hook up; so what if on your way back the little goat you had cuddled decides to jump in front of the car and end it’s life and your cousins make sick jokes about it. I still got the rainbows…

Somewhere…over the rainbow…way up high…

[my cam is acting up again. I will get some pictures from my uncle and put ‘em in here later]

Israel Kamakawiwo - Somewhere Over The Rainbow

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To My Name

Tonight I celebrate
My life, my name
Although I got nothing
No fortune, no fame,
Just another face in the crowd,
A pawn in the game,
But tonight I’ll raise my cup
And drink to my name.

You are too many; I wont ever win.
You’ll break me down; down to smithereens.
I’ve been bruised and battered.
Too many dreams been shattered.
But you couldn’t get me out.
Am still in your game.
So tonight I’ll raise my cup
And drink to my name.

Against the odds I played my cards;
Still am playin…
Against the tide I sailed my ship;
Still am floating…
Against the wind I chose to run;
Still am runnin…
And tonight I’ll raise this cup
And drink to my name.


Against The Wind, Bob Seger
[Download] [Lyrics]

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Remember when you were young,
You shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes,
Like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the crossfire
Of childhood and stardom,
Blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!

You reached for the secret too soon,
You cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night,
And exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome
With random percision,
Rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!

- Shine On You Crazy Diamond, Pink Floyd
[download the song]

While searching for Syd’s paintings and drawings I came across an interview of his nephew. I wasn’t interested at first but now I’m glad that I went in for a peek. It was nice to know that Syd did not spend his last days in some asylum in vegetative state, that he found joy in his paintings, books and studies.

“he is definitely starting to find a sense of contentment that has eluded him since his breakdown. He is happy to just potter about at home; watching television and doing a bit of painting or reading. Having a conversation with Roger is not the same as one with most people as he DOES have quite a strange and fragmented way of speaking; so everyday thing come out sounding quite abstract; but it all has it's own internal logic and it's just his way of expressing himself. If people still want to think that Roger is this wild lunatic he was supposed to be in the Sixties ( even though I'm sure much of this was complete invention ) then they are welcome to ; but I feel that this is a disservice to his contribution to Music and him as a human being and is also a very lazy way to view the situation. What really makes me sick about the media attention of Roger's career is the way he is written off as a 'madman'- a rock genius who was just such a 'crazed madcap' that there is no need to worry about the extent of pain and anguish he went through in the years directly after the band became successful. Without going into details I don't think people are prepared to understand the true extent of Roger's breakdown or the pressures he was put under.”
[Set The Controls Interviews Ian Barrett]

A couple of links –
http://www.angelfire.com/wv/breastmilky/artwork.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/5169344.stm

the toon me

Its about time I put this in here. ZB did it. Real good job too if you ask me. Wonder why he ‘likes’ me so much. Well here it is –


This is what I really look like when I’m hit by a satellite, run over by a truck and then poked in the eye by a crow. A striking resemblance! Don’t you think? Hats off to ZB! Will have to repay the debt someday.

Btw…I think most folks here already know how to upload videos and stuff. The ignorant ones, like myself, will probably find this helpful. None of them really helped me cause I'm using an swf and no one is worried about as simple a format as that. I just needed to keep the file somewhere and hotlink it. Took me all night to find a site that lets you do that. Thanks to filelodge.bolt.com I'm finally going to bed. Cionara!