Setting off the crazy alarm!

Blame it on the wet wind

I hate it when you think
That this isn’t the time
And theres still time
To wait for the time.

My friend, its probably true
That patience is a virtue.
But you see,
For folks like you and me
Theres all the time in the world to be virtuous,
But the world’s got no time for us.
Moments – they make haste
Only to freeze for a split second
(to wink at us)
If today we miss the bus,
And tomorrow we make a fuss,
There'd be no point really.
That’d just be silly.

Don’t you see?
I’d let it all slip away.
I’d watch the sands slip through my figures
And laugh at them.
Believe me.

I wouldn’t give a damn if
I oversleep
N miss my own gig, any gig,
But I’d give it all to hold back
The ones with you.
For you see, I’ve let too many
And they cost me a pretty penny.
It took me a while but now I know
I should never let you go.

I want you here, with me, now.
I want to be with you, here, now,
When the wet wind blows,
And love flows,
I kneel before thee, time
And take a bow.

Grant me my wish. Stay.
Don’t let this slip away.

The wet wind

The wet wind is making me mad. One of these days I’m gonna set off the crazy alarm. You’ll see. Gonna flush you out in the open, rob you blind, take what is mine. You’ll see.

Hopeless

Cant say I went without. Have had my days. Had been a lot of things – the mystery man, the friendly ghost, the talking monkey, the weekend escapade, the dark secret, the sweet mistake, the disposable toy. Well…like I said, cant say I didn’t get any. Just that, for once, I’d like to cut it for real. To have everything that goes with it – good and bad. Like quitting smokes and taking showers and dressing well. Not like I didn’t try it. Just doesn’t go that way. May be I missed it and didn’t even know it. Or may be its just me. Oh well…

There's no doubt
The situation's dumb.
Hopeless even - one might add
Days go by - each one bad.

If this is not the case
Then would you tell me please?
Why do I act the fool?
Lock myself and loose the keys.

Why can't I just walk up
As a normal person would
And ignore all that hiccup
And say the things I should

Time waits for no one.
And it won't for me.
I must find my river
Before I find my sea.

After so much nothing
This remains to be said,
Don't bother my words
Just go to bed.

Wrote this during a psych 101 class. That was a long time ago. Things didn’t change much I guess.

Acquainted with the Night

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain – and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unhealthy height,
A luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

~ Robert Frost

Highway Exit - Wayne Jiang

The Question

Love, a question
has destroyed you.

I have come back to you
from thorny uncertainty.

I want you straight as
the sword or the road.

But you insist
on keeping a nook
of shadow that I do not want.

My love,
understand me,
I love all of you,
from eyes to feet, to toenails,
inside,
all the brightness, which you kept.

It is I my love,
who knocks at your door.
It is not the ghost, it is not
the one who once stopped
at your window.
I knock down the door:
I enter your life:
I come to live in your soul:
you cannot cope with me.

You must open the door to me,
you must obey me,
you must open your eyes
that I may search in them,
you must see how I walk
with heavy steps
along all the door
that, blind, were waiting for me.

Do not fear,
I am yours,
but
I am not passenger or the beggar,
I am your master,
the one you were waiting for,
and now I enter
your life,
no more to leave it,
love, love, love,
but to stay.

~ Pablo Neruda

Found this in a free e-book with 61 of his poems.

Hotel California

I asked Tanim about it but then we didn’t finish the conversation. Does it ever happen to you folks that you suddenly remember an old song and keep thinking about it and then it kinda goes around. You hear it playing on the radio, in your coworkers PC or on a friend’s play list? Well…I’ve been remembering Hotel California a lot lately. Used to sing it all the time once upon a time (who didn’t!). I was thinking I had never really figured out what the song was about.

So I googled it and all sorts of explanations turned up. I really didn’t like the Satanic cult mumbo jumbo. Although those had the most enthusiastic reasoning based on facts and tit bits. They just didn’t cut it for me. This one made the most sense to me –

“The truth proves far less satisfying than the myriad rumors that have sprung up around this song.
Hotel California is an allegory about hedonism and greed in Southern California in the 1970s. At the time of its release, the Eagles were riding high in the music world, experiencing material success on a frightening level. Though they thoroughly enjoyed the money, drugs, and women fame threw their way, they were disquieted by it all and sought to pour that sense of unease into their music and to warn others about the dark underside of such adulation.
In a 1995 interview, Don Henley said the song "sort of captured the zeitgeist of the time, which was a time of great excess in this country and in the music business in particular." In another interview that same year, he referred to it as being about a "loss of innocence."
The album has as its underlying theme the corruption of impressionable rock stars by the decadent Los Angeles music industry. The celebrated title track presents California as a gilded prison the artist freely enters only to discover that he cannot later escape.
The real Hotel California is not a place; it is a metaphor for the west coast music industry and its effect on the talented but unworldy musicians who find themselves ensnared in its glittering web.”

Source: http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/hotel.htm

Hotel California Lyrics | Download Track

good morning Dhaka

Sometimes I wish I had one of those fancy phones with good cameras. Like this morning while I was coming to work, Dhaka looked a little different somehow. Seemed as if the mist has made the whole city drowsy…everything was moving in slow motion. Even the cars weren’t honking as madly as they usually do during the morning rush. The trees looked dusty but pretty still. There was one tree that had big round leaves, half of which have turned red. Looked real nice that one. Wish I could post a picture and show you what its all about. Oh well…just take my word for it – it was a beautiful morning.

Tagged

Nowal tagged me a while back. I was gonna pass it on but wasn’t really sure what to do and then kinda forgot about it. Now that Bodda tagged me too and asked to pass it on to other five, well, I figure I better do it right away cause otherwise I wont have any blogs to tag. Now five things about me…well…here goes –

1. Am probably the luckiest person on Earth. Something always comes up and turns things around for me. The things that went wrong in my life…hell they coulda been much worse.
2. I talk too much. Many good jokes go bad this way.
3. Always have to figure things out; things I don’t get…well I cant leave ‘em alone till I’ve figured them out.
4. Want to write something good someday.
5. Spiders scare the shit outta me. I know they are gentle, clean creatures. Why on Earth they need so many legs! A few weeks back I went to a bookstore with a friend of mine. There was this book on exotic pets. My friend warned me but I went ahead and opened. Eeewwwwwwwww. Lets just say everybody in the store had an anecdote to share when they got back home.

Lets see, I tag Shakia, Elita, ZB, Bfob and Morticia.

Tonight I can write

When reality hits you in the face and truths change what do you do? You bounce back, pick up the pieces and move on. To be free you clean the house; make sure there aint any bitterness left. But what do you do with the good stuff? What do you do when you remember the things been said. Even if they were all lies, don’t they cut it at all? Well…the spoken words, the spent times, the drunken eyes…can a man ever really let go?

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, `The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not

The same night, whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

~ Pablo Neruda
[translated by W.S. Merwin]

Northern Exposure

Cant thank ZB enough for Northern Exposure. Don’t believe I have seen a better TV show. The directors, screen writers, actors – well they are just…well I wont even try. The characters, the scenes, the concepts…how on Earth people come up with things like that and pull ‘em off! I hope they will all die horrible deaths for making folks like us feel so little. People who actually read the boring stuff in this blog should definitely try that show.

Feel like copying everything I hear in the show in here. Especially the bits from ‘Chris in the morning’ (a radio show hosted by the character Chris, a lanky ex-con turned philosopher). For now chew on this –

“We dance round in a ring and suppose, While the secret sits in the middle and knows”
~ Robert Frost

Forgot to mention – the soundtrack is just as good. I hope Najmee brings me back a CD.

And the fall to doom a long way

[drafted this this morning. Forgot to post]

Had a number of things going wrong. First my check bounced with the matured FDR money and nobody had any idea where it went. Then turned the house upside down but couldn’t locate the IBA admit card which had my role number in it. Then things are not ship shape at work – still am slow. Now on top of that I am sick again. But somehow been feeling all right with it all. Just hate the physical weakness that’s all. I wonder whats been keeping me happy. Well…guess you don’t have to be analyzing all the time. Do you? Lemme just share something nice instead.

Should the wide world roll away
Leaving black terror Limitless night,
Nor God, nor man, nor place to stand
Would be to me essential
If thou and thy white arms were there
And the fall to doom a long way.

- Stephan Crane

I am what I am??

‘I am what I am’ – saw this stuck up on a car window this morning. Think it’s a slogan from a sports product. Catchy no doubt. Does it work outside product marketing? I mean for real? Who knows!

I am what I am. Sure! So what am I anyway? I guess the line is for people who have already worked that out. Great! They’ve done a lot if you ask me. Well then…may be its not that big a deal. You just look into the mirror, stand up on a scale, look at your grade or performance index at work, talk to some people and you know. Ok. So you know what you are. Now its nice to accept yourself for whatever you are. So you are a grotesque looking thing weighing 400 lbs who is selfish and mean and like to kill people for the heck of it. But that’s what you are and people should accept you that way? No freaking way my fucked up friend. Get your act together before we have to can you. Its that simple.

We hear so many things these days. Everywhere you look there is a sign. From Coca cola to boka pola everybody has a philosophy. Just that nobody really believes in any of it. Where is the time anyway. Just shake your booty if the tune is catchy and sing along and then say “cheer up dude! Lifes too fucking short; enjoy every moment of it.” Well…tell you what brothers and sisters. I’m just as ‘fun loving’ as the next guy out there. But I’m telling you. We got it wrong somewhere.

Well…do I have something concrete? Well…just this – you cant be enjoying ourselves if the people around us aren’t. Life…its just not living only for yourself. You gotta do the right thing by you and by everybody else. You cant take things for granted. And you gotta make 10 people around you happy. That doesn’t guarantee your own happiness but you still gotta do it. Too damn hard? Well nobody says its gonna be ez. But we just gotta pull it off somehow. At least I’m sure you can. (y)

just hitting the keys

Got so many things to blog about. Things been happening. I could write about the ‘holy crap’ that’s been coming to my mind. You know, its one of those times when you get to thinking you have finally figured it out – what the holy people had been saying, the divine plan, you place in it and the mischief of the dark one. That doesn’t make you John the Baptist, but you feel good somehow. You find a reason to bet on goodness, Godliness. You need only to look inside you and you find him there and he is all the things the holy books said he’d be. Merciful, forgiving, everlasting. To all the holy men who have walked this Earth, spoken to us words of wisdom and eternal salvation, bled and endured and died, Thank you all.

I also wanted to write about the letter I got from an old friend of mine. He has always been true to his heart. Hope it finds some one to give it to one of these days. The letter came with a present – was rather moved by the gesture. You cant believe how nice the guy really is; he even added an apology in the letter for not having a good enough taste to buy good gifts for people. The thing that he went into a store, looked at a thing …and wanted to get it for me…its amazing really. We should be thankful for the few good friends we pick up along the way. I dunno if I will ever be able to get big enough to return the gesture. But I’m sure as hell he’d never expect anything in return.

Finally the depressing news – Nowal shut down her blog. No more brown baby. You know, in life you come across places that you like to drop by from time to time, places that makes you feel good. Could be a lonely corner of a park, a decent coffee shop, a comfortable chair in a bar or a web page. They become a home to you without you knowing it and you take ‘em for granted. Then …they get closed down, shut down or something like that and you cant go there anymore. I dunno…it can hit you harder than you think. I’m sure a hell lot of people out there feel the same way about spazzedme. To all the pricks who made her do this – FUCK YOU ALL.

denial

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things
To yield with a grace to reason
And bow and accept at the end
Of a love or a season

~ Rober Frost

rubber ducky

almost there says:
rubber ducky shorao (get rid off the rubber ducky from msn dp)
pig in the big city says:
haha…why?
pig in the big city says:
kharap ta ki? (whats so bad about it?)
almost there says:
helpless
pig in the big city says:
so it is!
pig in the big city says:
but looks happy all the same
almost there says:
not really
almost there says:
got that sadness that comes with that pouted painted red smile
pig in the big city says:
ah! the red lips of a clown
almost there says:
yep
pig in the big city says:
who says the smile isnt real though?
pig in the big city says:
may be not as real for the ducky
pig in the big city says:
but the world will probably smile with it
pig in the big city says:
thats real enough
almost there says:
at its cost
pig in the big city says:
forget the price tags for a while. will u?
almost there says:
the world will smile at its cost...
almost there says:
charlie chaplin was the saddest most misunderstood and helpless person ever
pig in the big city says:
but made great movies
almost there says:
so was most comics
almost there says:
the world smiled at them..the wrold aint such a good thing
pig in the big city says:
but it still means the 'world' to us
almost there says:
lol

just cause

tanim says:
chichinga painai
duped says:
borboti?
tanim says:
kono shobjiy na... just chikkkkken
tanim says:
we are saving the vegetables for the vegetarians
tanim says:
oder ja koshto.. amar shojjo hoynba
duped says:
dunia'r shob cheye abused prani ki bolen to?
tanim says:
murgi
tanim says:
thats why there are PETA people protesting outside Kentucky Fried Chicken
tanim says:
naki?
duped says:
lol
duped says:
PETA ppl?
duped says:
what is their problem anyway?
tanim says:
they say KFC dont treat the chicken nice before they cut them up and fry them
duped says:
LOLLOLOLOL
duped says:
this is one joke even the chickens would find funny
tanim says:
its pretty crazy, people are looking for their CAUSE you know...
duped says:
lol
duped says:
now I'm gonna post this conversation on my blog! this is way to good
tanim says:
no no no
tanim says:
i dont some PETA people outside my house!
tanim says:
bhoy paisi.. tomar shathey ekhon theke shabdhaney kotha boltey hobe
duped says:
well...dont worry man...the PETUK ppl will come to your aid
tanim says:
and take my chicken away! tokhon ami ki khabo?

US VISA

A friend applied for the US VISA. His wife has a malignant tumor in the abdomen and is undergoing chemo therapy. The guy never knew happiness before he had fallen in love with the girl. His mother died when he was a little boy and the women his dad remarried turned out to be a step mom from horror stories. He even suffered while he was dating as the two families were not in good terms and there were all sorts of trouble going on.

Now things were just starting to look good. They got married. The guy just got a good job. For once in his life, he had things. And then this.

“Sorry, I cant grant you a VISA. You don’t have enough social ties over here.”
“What would you do if this had happened to your spouse? Wouldn’t you want to be there with him? Could you work normally?”
“I know this is hard”

Is this world fucked up? Or is this world fucked up?

Chocolate

“Its over! Its really over!!”
“She wont ever come again”
“Wont ever hear her voice”
“Wont ever kiss those lips”
“She is not mine!!!”
“I can do nothing to change things…its all gone!”
“Just like that…its all gone”
“It was never there…”
“I wont ever have it, I’d have to do without”

“They are having cakes upstairs”
“Cakes? What for?”
“Birthday”
“Whose birthday?”
“Richard’s”
“Chocolate cake?”
“YESS!!!”

:D And then there was happiness.

nothing but wall

Distant voices, I call out to thee.
Flashlight beams, keep me blinded
Through the days that come and go
And I keep on running to and fro
Feeding, nesting, scaling doors,
Doin stupid math and silly chores.
Lost in traffic I just wont see
That space in the picture that coulda been me.

But when the days keep you out
And theres too much hiss ‘n shout
And then suddenly they all make sense
- I get what they’re about.
I wonder if they all were true,
Wonder if you knew them too,
Did you ever think you’d bet on ‘em?
‘n paint the cows blue?

weird world

Lately, everybody’s been complaining that I make things way more complicated than they have to be. I get weird things better that way, but I spoil the fun in more obvious things.

This weekend I went to shoot pool with an old friend. Its been a while since I played and I was sure I’d suck at it. Oddly enough, I made most of the shots with complicated angles real easy. Trouble is I missed most of the simple ones (ok…so I lost most of the games). My friend tells me that I play exactly like me, that is, I am no good at it, if things are simple.

Then at work a coworker asks me a simple question and I give her all sorts of explanations except for the answer she was looking for. She loses her patience and tells me to relax and take it easy. She tells me the same thing – “Take things simple for once”.

The same is happening to more serious relationships. “Stop guessing. Don’t try anything. Stop talking.” – I need to learn all that.

I suppose I really need to fix a couple of things about myself. I will be doing the best I can. Just that I cant help but feel mad at the world at times. I didn’t start looking for angles just like that you know; I did not invent them. They were just there I suppose. Can I help it if I learnt them the hard way and then saw the same patterns in other things? Can I help it if most of the hunches turn out to be true? Is it my fault if the system works for years flawlessly and then suddenly the world becomes perfect? The angles jumped me when I didn’t know them. I didn’t complain. Figured that’s the way things are and moved on. I tried my best to keep things straight. Kept my distance where the angles weren’t right. Things worked! Now the world decides to change without a notice? How dare it??