Friday, June 02, 2006

bird brains

[The ancient ritual of bird making: The chosen one is found and brought to the alter of sacrifice. The sacred pole and sacred ropes are brought to the ground before the arrival of the chosen one. The chosen one then spreads his arms like a bird. The arms form a 180-degree angle between them and are fastened tightly to the sacred pole. The chosen one, possessed by spirits is likely to exhibit vigorous displays of resistance. Bringing the sacred pole in contact with the head of the chosen one will calm him down. Once the preparation is complete, the following mantra is chanted in unison: “Shona chan pakhi, ami dakitesi tumi ghumaiso naki”. When the chanting reaches the appropriate decibel level, the last piece of garment from the birds body, (i.e. the pants on the chosen one) is removed. The chosen then becomes one with the nature feeling free and happy like a bird.

Note for ‘extremely intelligent’ readers: No sodomizing takes place during or after the ceremony]

Spending lazy time at home and getting bored. Smoking at regular intervals.

“Bro, guess wat happened on the bus yesterday”
“You saw a chick?”
“Yah! And the chicks just…looking at me…so I look too…and she don’t look away!”
“So wat happened?”
“Well…what do u mean what happened?”
“So nothing happened?”
“HUH! Wat have I been telling u?”
“Shut the fuck up”
“Ok”

[nothing for a minute]

“Prinka Chopra is real hot!”
“Oh yeah!”

[nothing for 5 mins]

“Say, lets make a bird.”
“Yea? Who?” – looks suspicious.
“Not you birdbrain! Lets do one on Titters”
“Yeah! Lets do it.”
“So wat do u need?”
“Need a stick and ropes.”
“Where do we get ‘em?”
“Somewhere in the house.”
“Well…who’ll get up ‘n get ‘em?”
[silence]
“Lets ask titters”
“Yo! Bro…you gotta do something for us”
“Yea? Wat?”
“We need a stick and ropes”
“No way. Am too tired to go ‘n look”
“Well…in that case…may be we can do without. The thing is…we want to do a bird on you”
“Hah?”
“Yeah…u c, we r bored and we really don’t feel like getting up and you are tired too.”
“Hah???”
“Well…may be we can do without the gadgets u know…just stand there and do the bird thing and we’ll pull yr pants down.”
“Fuck u guys. I’m goin to sleep”

4 comments:

NAB said...

2 posts?? darn. and it's late here and have to wake up early tomorrow. going to be away for the week, but i am SO reading up on these once i get back! =)

Weatherman said...

:( come back soon...

NAB said...

what in the world was this post about? how do you make a bird??

Weatherman said...

This post isnt about anything really. The bird thing is just a lousy thing we once did for laughs. Just crucify someone on a stick and pull his pants down...and u got a bird. How so? Come on! Its just a lame ass trick u pul on ppl! It is supposed to be silly! :P