I am what I am??

‘I am what I am’ – saw this stuck up on a car window this morning. Think it’s a slogan from a sports product. Catchy no doubt. Does it work outside product marketing? I mean for real? Who knows!

I am what I am. Sure! So what am I anyway? I guess the line is for people who have already worked that out. Great! They’ve done a lot if you ask me. Well then…may be its not that big a deal. You just look into the mirror, stand up on a scale, look at your grade or performance index at work, talk to some people and you know. Ok. So you know what you are. Now its nice to accept yourself for whatever you are. So you are a grotesque looking thing weighing 400 lbs who is selfish and mean and like to kill people for the heck of it. But that’s what you are and people should accept you that way? No freaking way my fucked up friend. Get your act together before we have to can you. Its that simple.

We hear so many things these days. Everywhere you look there is a sign. From Coca cola to boka pola everybody has a philosophy. Just that nobody really believes in any of it. Where is the time anyway. Just shake your booty if the tune is catchy and sing along and then say “cheer up dude! Lifes too fucking short; enjoy every moment of it.” Well…tell you what brothers and sisters. I’m just as ‘fun loving’ as the next guy out there. But I’m telling you. We got it wrong somewhere.

Well…do I have something concrete? Well…just this – you cant be enjoying ourselves if the people around us aren’t. Life…its just not living only for yourself. You gotta do the right thing by you and by everybody else. You cant take things for granted. And you gotta make 10 people around you happy. That doesn’t guarantee your own happiness but you still gotta do it. Too damn hard? Well nobody says its gonna be ez. But we just gotta pull it off somehow. At least I’m sure you can. (y)

just hitting the keys

Got so many things to blog about. Things been happening. I could write about the ‘holy crap’ that’s been coming to my mind. You know, its one of those times when you get to thinking you have finally figured it out – what the holy people had been saying, the divine plan, you place in it and the mischief of the dark one. That doesn’t make you John the Baptist, but you feel good somehow. You find a reason to bet on goodness, Godliness. You need only to look inside you and you find him there and he is all the things the holy books said he’d be. Merciful, forgiving, everlasting. To all the holy men who have walked this Earth, spoken to us words of wisdom and eternal salvation, bled and endured and died, Thank you all.

I also wanted to write about the letter I got from an old friend of mine. He has always been true to his heart. Hope it finds some one to give it to one of these days. The letter came with a present – was rather moved by the gesture. You cant believe how nice the guy really is; he even added an apology in the letter for not having a good enough taste to buy good gifts for people. The thing that he went into a store, looked at a thing …and wanted to get it for me…its amazing really. We should be thankful for the few good friends we pick up along the way. I dunno if I will ever be able to get big enough to return the gesture. But I’m sure as hell he’d never expect anything in return.

Finally the depressing news – Nowal shut down her blog. No more brown baby. You know, in life you come across places that you like to drop by from time to time, places that makes you feel good. Could be a lonely corner of a park, a decent coffee shop, a comfortable chair in a bar or a web page. They become a home to you without you knowing it and you take ‘em for granted. Then …they get closed down, shut down or something like that and you cant go there anymore. I dunno…it can hit you harder than you think. I’m sure a hell lot of people out there feel the same way about spazzedme. To all the pricks who made her do this – FUCK YOU ALL.

denial

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things
To yield with a grace to reason
And bow and accept at the end
Of a love or a season

~ Rober Frost

rubber ducky

almost there says:
rubber ducky shorao (get rid off the rubber ducky from msn dp)
pig in the big city says:
haha…why?
pig in the big city says:
kharap ta ki? (whats so bad about it?)
almost there says:
helpless
pig in the big city says:
so it is!
pig in the big city says:
but looks happy all the same
almost there says:
not really
almost there says:
got that sadness that comes with that pouted painted red smile
pig in the big city says:
ah! the red lips of a clown
almost there says:
yep
pig in the big city says:
who says the smile isnt real though?
pig in the big city says:
may be not as real for the ducky
pig in the big city says:
but the world will probably smile with it
pig in the big city says:
thats real enough
almost there says:
at its cost
pig in the big city says:
forget the price tags for a while. will u?
almost there says:
the world will smile at its cost...
almost there says:
charlie chaplin was the saddest most misunderstood and helpless person ever
pig in the big city says:
but made great movies
almost there says:
so was most comics
almost there says:
the world smiled at them..the wrold aint such a good thing
pig in the big city says:
but it still means the 'world' to us
almost there says:
lol

just cause

tanim says:
chichinga painai
duped says:
borboti?
tanim says:
kono shobjiy na... just chikkkkken
tanim says:
we are saving the vegetables for the vegetarians
tanim says:
oder ja koshto.. amar shojjo hoynba
duped says:
dunia'r shob cheye abused prani ki bolen to?
tanim says:
murgi
tanim says:
thats why there are PETA people protesting outside Kentucky Fried Chicken
tanim says:
naki?
duped says:
lol
duped says:
PETA ppl?
duped says:
what is their problem anyway?
tanim says:
they say KFC dont treat the chicken nice before they cut them up and fry them
duped says:
LOLLOLOLOL
duped says:
this is one joke even the chickens would find funny
tanim says:
its pretty crazy, people are looking for their CAUSE you know...
duped says:
lol
duped says:
now I'm gonna post this conversation on my blog! this is way to good
tanim says:
no no no
tanim says:
i dont some PETA people outside my house!
tanim says:
bhoy paisi.. tomar shathey ekhon theke shabdhaney kotha boltey hobe
duped says:
well...dont worry man...the PETUK ppl will come to your aid
tanim says:
and take my chicken away! tokhon ami ki khabo?

US VISA

A friend applied for the US VISA. His wife has a malignant tumor in the abdomen and is undergoing chemo therapy. The guy never knew happiness before he had fallen in love with the girl. His mother died when he was a little boy and the women his dad remarried turned out to be a step mom from horror stories. He even suffered while he was dating as the two families were not in good terms and there were all sorts of trouble going on.

Now things were just starting to look good. They got married. The guy just got a good job. For once in his life, he had things. And then this.

“Sorry, I cant grant you a VISA. You don’t have enough social ties over here.”
“What would you do if this had happened to your spouse? Wouldn’t you want to be there with him? Could you work normally?”
“I know this is hard”

Is this world fucked up? Or is this world fucked up?

Chocolate

“Its over! Its really over!!”
“She wont ever come again”
“Wont ever hear her voice”
“Wont ever kiss those lips”
“She is not mine!!!”
“I can do nothing to change things…its all gone!”
“Just like that…its all gone”
“It was never there…”
“I wont ever have it, I’d have to do without”

“They are having cakes upstairs”
“Cakes? What for?”
“Birthday”
“Whose birthday?”
“Richard’s”
“Chocolate cake?”
“YESS!!!”

:D And then there was happiness.

nothing but wall

Distant voices, I call out to thee.
Flashlight beams, keep me blinded
Through the days that come and go
And I keep on running to and fro
Feeding, nesting, scaling doors,
Doin stupid math and silly chores.
Lost in traffic I just wont see
That space in the picture that coulda been me.

But when the days keep you out
And theres too much hiss ‘n shout
And then suddenly they all make sense
- I get what they’re about.
I wonder if they all were true,
Wonder if you knew them too,
Did you ever think you’d bet on ‘em?
‘n paint the cows blue?

weird world

Lately, everybody’s been complaining that I make things way more complicated than they have to be. I get weird things better that way, but I spoil the fun in more obvious things.

This weekend I went to shoot pool with an old friend. Its been a while since I played and I was sure I’d suck at it. Oddly enough, I made most of the shots with complicated angles real easy. Trouble is I missed most of the simple ones (ok…so I lost most of the games). My friend tells me that I play exactly like me, that is, I am no good at it, if things are simple.

Then at work a coworker asks me a simple question and I give her all sorts of explanations except for the answer she was looking for. She loses her patience and tells me to relax and take it easy. She tells me the same thing – “Take things simple for once”.

The same is happening to more serious relationships. “Stop guessing. Don’t try anything. Stop talking.” – I need to learn all that.

I suppose I really need to fix a couple of things about myself. I will be doing the best I can. Just that I cant help but feel mad at the world at times. I didn’t start looking for angles just like that you know; I did not invent them. They were just there I suppose. Can I help it if I learnt them the hard way and then saw the same patterns in other things? Can I help it if most of the hunches turn out to be true? Is it my fault if the system works for years flawlessly and then suddenly the world becomes perfect? The angles jumped me when I didn’t know them. I didn’t complain. Figured that’s the way things are and moved on. I tried my best to keep things straight. Kept my distance where the angles weren’t right. Things worked! Now the world decides to change without a notice? How dare it??

101 bad jokes

During the last smoke break ZB, RB and I were talking about Pink Floyd. Near the end the strangest, most ridiculous, hideous thought came to me. What if the only way the three of us could catch a Pink Floyd concert is by agreeing to replace the three chorus chicks in white gowns. I’d be all chirpie, ZB would make like a respectable old maid and RB would be just depressed and go on saying “Faggot, shamggot, Bah!” . He didn’t like the idea one bit. He wants to be a ‘light boy’ instead. Thats kinda faggy too if you ask me.

I guess its not that funny if you cant visualize us swinging to the beat in white gowns. And frankly I hope you don’t. Have a look at this instead – http://www.k10k.net/

Scroll down the page and read the comic strips. Click on previous for more. I liked this one the most -

Century

I thought post number 100 would be special but I guess that aint happenning.

Just got this from ZB; Hope you'll like it as much as I did. :D
http://independentsources.com/2006/07/12/worst-company-urls/

Mind Game

This is kinda kool -

http://bengalifob.blogspot.com/2006/08/mind-game.html#links

I'm normal. YIPPEE!! :D

Picture on my wall

I’ve been looking at this picture a lot lately (duh! Its on my desktop). I forgot where I found it. I apologize for not being able to credit the artist, or a source link for that matter.

A friend writes

[Got this letter from an old friend. I should have saved all her letters.]

"The weather was damp with the half moon breathing hard in the sky. The night's long and lonely path caressed by the sweet scent of wind. Glamour shone like a gold in a distant city - all lights shimmering, cocktalls served. The colours of silk and satin glazing.

I felt my own life moving... moving..but the body sat still.

what was life without the need? what was life without the warmth of the black suite glamour? I was watched when it was time to return and could not move. I watched carefully what I was into, I watched - lonesome were the dreadful sweet dreams.

At last I learned to move away limping. The rural setting still too far, i thought i would not fail catching up that slow simple life.

Stuck in the middle - struck by need - my old life screamed and called me names..

I wanted to stop limping. How could I get slow for the old ways? They were aged but I was not! how could opportunity be bigger than the old fashioned dreams?

I took out the peacock feathered notebook from my brown leather bag and started to scribble. Stop screaming my past, stop cursing my present. Just wanted to live. Cant be that hard! Cant be so damned hard! Can't bear the loss.

Needed one line of Nazrul's poem. The green jungle of passion, The questionable thoughts and the strength to become completely drunk by one person's presence.

Catch hold of the time not the gold watch. That my friend is of no use."

A long walk

Had a looong walk today! All the way from Banani to Bijoy Sharani. Probably 7/8 kilos. Why? Don’t ask. Where did I get all that energy after work? I’m not working as hard as I should be. Now, was it fun? It was ok. What did I see on the way? Nothing at all. I guess there was a piece if the sky during the detour through old DOHS. That area is not as crowded as most part either. Add to that the lightness of the head due to starvation. It wasn’t too bad. Met some friends about an hour later in Mohammadpur. Devoured the chaap (deshi steak as Tanm would put it) like a pig. Oh, right! I always eat like that. It wasn’t too bad either. How am I doing? Not so good.

Statement of the day –

“There are a couple of times when philosophy is the least of your concerns. One is when you get food after waiting for it a long time. Another time is when you are constipated.”

Think its no good? Sue me!

Hello!

Yes sirrie! I’ve committed many sins under the sun.
Now the table has turned; Oh! What have I done!

Sigh…my many sins have finally caught up with me. Thinking about all the wonder years of my life; ran free and wild and picked on anybody who’d so much as pick up the phone and say “hi, I’ll call you back later” in the middle of an adda (traditional group chat sessions during which you smoke an unlimited number of cigarettes and drink 5-10 cups of tea;). I dunno what your reputation is. May be you’re the firecracker of your bunch. May be nobody’s pulled one over you and lived to tell the tale. But believe you me, you wouldn’t want to be on the wrong end of the tea stall mod (consisting of a dozen extremely insensitive chick less guys) jokes.

Ma had a heart attach when she saw last months phone bill (good thing she didn’t see the cell phone bills). But that’s not the worst part. Last week I was eating out with my girl and there was a pause and then out of the blue I said, “hello, how r ya?” Well, I thought it was no big deal and then forgot about it. A few days later I was out with my best cousin, his girl and another cousin. The food was good and we were talking about all sorts of things. Then suddenly out of the blue, I blurted out, “Hello!” It freaked me out! I quickly scanned all their faces and it looked like none of them noticed it. Phew! That’s a relief! Think again! I did it again tonight after dinner. And this time everybody made it. Wonder when I’ll do it at work and then I’d have nowhere else to go in this town. Should start packing my bags before they all get here with tar and feathers. :(

PS. This is one lame post! I was advised to do one on the ‘Agriculture of Bangladesh’ instead. Shoulda listened to her.

half of what I say

[found this on goatman's blog]

Half of what I say is meaningless; but I say it so that the other half may reach you.
...Kahlil Gibran
Sand and Foam

Guess you’ll never know

Guess you’ll never know
How much I want to hold you this morning,
Beads of raindrops dangling from the leaves,
Soft sparkles in the eastern light,
To all hearts they bring delight
Except for the one
That aches for you.

Beautiful raindrops, droplets of pearls
What good are they, to me?
When its you I long to see
How sad it will be
To see the moment flee
For I’ve misplaced the key
That once unlocked your heart.

cute stuff

Can someone please translate this for me? *-)

http://mudhadatmulawanah.blogspot.com/

stupid comments

I was just reading Shakia’s blog and I found this post rather interesting -
http://khsh.blogspot.com/2006/08/re-when-frustration-knocks-door.html

Shakia should be proud she’s got a friend who can writes letters like that! A man of good sense no doubt! I am not about to agree or disagree with his arguments opinions on issues concerning the Lebanon war as I don’t know much about it really. (I know I should and I hope my readers will forgive my naivety) However, I found the writers reasoning and logic rather stimulating.

Now I dunno much about anything but I feel like sharing my thoughts about the middle east crisis. These aren’t facts and figures and rather just emotional junk like the rest of my posts. So there…don’t expect much from them. Ok here goes –

A. Does it matter how Israel came to be? May be the West dumped their shame and guilt somewhere else; may be they got their by force, or may be it was meant to be. Thing is generations of Jewish people have born and died on that land now and its their home. They are there to stay.
B. Arabs/Muslims have always been there and are not going anywhere.
C. Systematic extermination of a Muslims or Jews or any race for that matter is not an option these days. Or is it?
D. Is it at all possible for the people of Israel to find peace by making their neighbors miserable? Is that the way a regular Israeli wants things to be?
E. Its obvious people must learn to coexist. How is the ‘enlightened’ West helping the situation by justifying one side’s hostility and condemning the other?
F. Lets get back to the people. What do they want? At the end of the day people don’t want to go on killing and being killed. They want to live, love and raise kids in peace. Wont they be better off if they could use the war funds for something worthwhile? Its obvious terrorism is not looking after Islam’s best interest. The question is, are the funds coming to Israel from all sorts of places, keeping the hate alive serving Israel’s best interest?

Its obvious that the ones who are screaming about the Middle East crisis the most (i.e., the West) are the reasons behind the dreadful situation. About time they left these unfortunate people alone.

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