Feels just like those days

It was hot. The electricity went out to make us more ‘comfy’. A baby in the next building started crying. Sounded a lot like a wailing cat. I joined in without thinking. Guess the baby got quite a shock and stopped crying. May be it’s a good thing. Or may be it’d be a bad memory s/he will carry around forever. Sorry li’l fella. Dint mean to be a prick. Don’t take it to heart. Gonna meet a lot many insentive morons like these in the years to come.

Feels just like those days
A good 10 years back,
Smoked a hell lot less back then
Much less than a pack.

The world’d seem so big.
Had lotsa holes to dig.
All those years ago
When I wasn’t such a pig.

As I was saying
It was a long time ago.
Then may be not that long
Just 10 years back or so…

Had just given up a shell,
Was coming back from hell,
Brought some stories back
Was damned eager to sell.

A crazy time it was,
Many years ago,
They’d hand me a colored glass
Every place I’d go.

Everybody was there
Except for the muse.
May be she was there too,
I was just too damned confused.

Some’d beck and call.
“Lets dance!” – they'd say.
“Heck, you do it on your own.”
“I aint gonna play”.

They’d telll me to go ‘n fake it,
To claim what isnt mine,
I’d tell ‘em to go fuck it.
Cheap thrills suit me fine!

Feels just like those days
When the roads were many and wide.
Heck, think I’m gonna do it.
Gonna enjoy this ride! =D

it is written

Had my palm read for the first time in my life. During a smoke break at work (I take a lot of ‘em), Liton mama came up to me and asked me if I’d like to have my palm read. Why not! He looked at it for about 5 minutes and this is what he found out –

1. I’m gonna have a natural death. No bullet in the head. (told ya! Hah!)
2. Will have to go to the doctors once in a while; with nothing major though. (So there…no reason to cut down on smokes)
3. Gonna be happily married. (didn’t say how many times though)
4. Gonna have okay money.
5. Will eventually move abroad and spend a long time there. But the first attempts to move are going to fail. (sighhh…)
6. “You feel God very deeply!”. (At this point he looks at me with a puzzled look and it seemed he expected an explanation.)
7. I am a philosopher! (Lol! Okay, okay hold your gutts in people. More on the way.)
8. “Unusually romantic!” (:$)
9. Got a mean temper. Say rash thing at the heat of the moment. Good thing is simmer down quickly enough and try to see the other side of thing.
10. If a small thing helps somebody, I’ll go on and do it. (aww…aint I nice! ;)
11. Gonna do my life’s work after 40. (ahh….that gives me some time! =D)
12. My religious beliefs are going to change drastically. Will become a proper muslim later in life. (This is the one he repeated and underlined)

Seems Mama, the happiest guy at work, has been analyzing me for a while. No wonder it makes me a li’l uneasy when he asks me how I’m doing. He actually wants to know. (only fair since I’ve been doing with everybody since forever.) I have a feeling that number 12 is the actual message he was trying to deliver. But never the less, all of it was nice. In fact, wouldn’t mind one bit if the writings on my hands turn out to be true. Wont mind that at all.

The reason they forbid you to find out about your future, is that you’d take it all for granted and stop trying. Does that mean I will have to cut down on the smokes after all? Shucks! Its not fun anymore somehow!

from YouTube

Fun mails are actually funny at times! =D

Le petit bonhomme en mousse

I hate

I hate.
I hate all of it.
I hate the red lampshades, pretty and dim,
Hate the bunch sitting in the corner,
looking serious and self assured,
being just as confused as the rest of them the whole time.
Hate the kids sitting next,
The boys trying to be men
And the girls, polishing their neils to rip their hearts out.

Hate the fat fuck up front who thinks he’s gotten away with it.
who is trying to believe that he is somehow better than the rest.
And his fat girlfriend should really give it a rest;
All that sexy moves on that body – positively vulger.

Hate the traffic outside the window
Slow, noisy, stuck and mad.
Trying to get ahead anyway they can,
Making a bigger mess for themselves
and everybody else.

Hate the people of the town, gone mad,
Possed by cell phones.
Just as noisy and menacing as the traffic,
And just as pathetic.

Hate my cell phone.
Ringing all the time, messing up my life,
Taking away my peace and pissing me off.
And then not ringing at all.

I hate Me.
The schmuck, stuck in the mud
And can not get out.
The looser who thinks he can figure it out,
That he must catch a glimpse of the moon on the water.
Only to find himself tongue tied, - The fool!
Trying to hide behind words – vague, meaningles, deceitful.
The no good bimbo should really give it a rest
And accept the fact that math wins everytime
And all the rest is crap.

I hate to believe;
Hate not being able to believe

I hate me, for turning like the rest of them
- bitter, noisy and unfeeling.

I hate you
When you decide to fall from grace
And become one of us.

I hate! I hate!!

I leave today...to live a better tomorrow...

I leave today...to live a better tomorrow...
i die tonight...to fly to your height...
I drown myself...to crown u to the top...
i lie to u...to tie me at your side

One of Razik’s. Apperently he was bored on the bus and wrote this to kill the time. When I asked him what the inspiration was, he told me he was just thinking about a silly confusion and played with his pen. Says he leaves it to ‘us’ (think the SOB was being sarcastic) to get the meaning out. Anyhow…I kinda liked this piece of crap and didn’t want it to get lost.

for the guys only

I got bored during a meeting and found this picture online. Shabbir bhai made me a wallpaper with it. Thought I'd share the wealth here. Is she heavenly? Or is she heavenly??

I shoulda written that!

Just had to steal this one from Pranab

For a friend I refuse to let the candle quit

I wish I lived in a fairytale
With a happy ending
Where people you care about
Just don’t die between phone calls
And leave you to face this reality
Alone without cries
And don’t just let you write your feelings down
in a piece of paper or a diary
And get it over with
And don’t let you go on with life
Like its okay
Like her not being around
Okay.

You laugh again with friends
Make jokes in restaurants
And stop leaving a seat for her
or forget her cell phone number
or how she sounded
When she talked and smiled
or cried.

What remains of people?
Merely a promise of rain
Under the grey grieving sky
This wide open wounded shore of city
Slowly swallowing our salty memories
It hurts.

She had always showed up in colours
Maybe I will go colour-blind
Colour fades away
Bleeding into night
Maybe when this heart will change into meat
I will be okay.
Like most.

Maybe I will go lost among strangers
who didn’t know her
And Move on
But you see
I refuse to let you fade
My friend
I refuse to let the candle quit.

A crazy night and a crazy dream

Emon vai is leaving, so is ZB. So this Friday morning I thought about getting together for one last time. ZB came around midnight with Jaglul vai. Emon vai turned up around 2 in the morn. Poor guy is having a crazy run. RB bailed, the last time we tried to track him down he was headed for Aricha, being the designated driver that he is. Speaking about driving, I made a huge mistake telling Masum vai (Not our beloved bearded leader), Emon vai’s friend, that he was in no condition to drive and should head home. Well…I’m up for a punishment it seems. Hope I survive that one. Fell asleep around 6 o’clock and woke up around 10 to say good bye to ZB and EB. Had the most amazing dream ever in between. It was like this –

We were at a really great party where most of the office folks were present. Cheers and laughs all around. And then it ended and everybody went home. Then Mehrin apu calls me and tells me that she left some Therap stuff there by mistake. It turns out that there was going to be a ‘play room’ at the office, which is gonna have all sorts of toys and stuff. Kinda like a kid’s nursery. Now I’m not entirely sure why this was planned. One time I figured it was going to be a day care center since the newly weds are gonna start having kids and they will need to keep ‘em somewhere. And then it seemed adults can play there too….somebody read an article or something about how rooms like this at work places reduces tension and brings people closer to their ‘inner child’ and crap. Anyhow, it was just a dream, how logical do you think one can be in a dream? So there…there was gonna be a play room and Mehrin apu left the stuff at my place. Now, I went to check what they were and WOW! The bags had the most amazing toys ever! They had little bikes and helicopters that you can take apart and build again. Not cheap plastic stuff but metallic ones with great finish. There was this knife, with a really good blade and the most fantastic hilt. And of course toy guns! Then there was this canoe shaped thingie which I thought was a pillow. It turned out that it was not only a comfy pillow but u can unfold it to make a blanket. (Sign! Still cant get over that one) Then in the corner there was a stair case shaped box packed with….Archie Comics! (Who ever knew I still have that stuff trapped in my subconscious.) A lot of them! Now I was thinking like…hell! I’m never gonna give this stuff back. And then I thought I’d have to give them back in the morning but for the night they were all mine! Now should I check out the toys…or should I start reading a comic….so much to do and so little time. Well…good thing the alarm went off and the dilemma ended there.

moon on the water

"Purify the five eyes, Possess the five powers.
If once you have known truth, you know the unknown.
In a mirror the body's shape is easily discerned,
But in vain can you grasp the moon on the water."

- Found this on Goatman’s post. Reminded me of something I wrote a long time back. Here it is.

I have returned from the sea this morning. Brought back a moment or two. An overwhelming depression is pressing down on my heart. There is absolutely no love left inside of me. There used to be a pain before and a certain longing. Even those are gone now. The salty waters of the sea touched my skin but left my eyes dry.

I have tried. Standing on a shore, bathing in the moon light. I have looked for my stars in the sky. "Fill my heart with love. Give me back my pain." Turned my eyes from this world and sought refuge in another. Got the answer but it wasn't the one I wanted. Couldnt understand them; couldn't trust them.

Sea waves ran to the sands. I saw the moon's reflection on the wet sands and on the water. Suddenly, I realized that I was trying to catch it. I had left the sands and went into the waters chasing after it. And, I didnt know it untill the water came upto my neck.

I was trying to see the full face of the moon on the waters. But, it just wont stand still. The moon melted with every wave that came but I just had to see it full at least once. And all along the real thing shone above my head.

I looked down instead of looking up. It moved farther away towards the sea every time I reached out for it. I might have gotten lost in those waters if I kept on going.

Do we search for the truth the same way? Make it all the more complicated to have it easy? Drown ourselves while chasing shadows. Then dissapear into the shadows trying. Or may be we turn around, look back from time to time and see the shadow following us close behind? Or may be we dont look back at all?

Just have to look up. Its there. Not an illusion, not a shadow. Just too far away.

Great Expectations

I just realized I love Ethan Hawk movies. Been moved by a hell lot of them. Loved Gatacca, Training Day, the one in which he is a reporter and solves a mystery to get the husband of his boyhood lover off the hook and tonight, Great Expectations. (Hear he was brilliant in Dead Poet’s Society as well but I don’t really remember. I also hear girls don’t dig him much. What nonsense!)

I loved the book when I was a child. Loved it when I reread it after I grew up. I loved the movie too. I hear people don’t think much of it. They simplified it a lot, as Holywood often does. But I still loved it.

All that hurting in the movie, people do worse in real life. All that good in the movie, hope people do better than that in the real world. But one thing is for sure. You got to stick around for long enough, do your best, hope and find out. May be time will make it all worthwhile.

And its raining outside. For once Weatherman didn’t know it was gonna come. Think I’ll go watch it.

God's Dilemma

I hear you complain
About how they’ve done you wrong
I see you missing all the things
You’ve waited for so long

I could give you all the answers
Clean up all that mess
I could lay it all up front
Rub it in your face

You’d ask for one miracle
And I’d give you ten
Can ask me for a dozen more
Don’t even have to tell me when

But you’d never get it
You’d prefer to fake it
You’d look eternity in the eye
And then hurry off to buy a new watch.

hello again

Been a while since my last post. Been up2 no good as usual. Been staying online for hours. Thought about writing something, couldn’t hold the thought for more than 30 seconds. Went out of town with the office crowd. No ZB, no RB, Weatherman misses his old gang but it was okay. The resort had a pool. Got to swim a lot. Crossed over twice smoking the cigarette. Quite an achievement! Dont you think?

Lost my bracelet while diving. I’d lost it the last time around in Sylhet too. My bro fished it out last time. This time it stayed there; it obviously wanted to.

Got to climb up to the top of Madhob Kundo falls this time. Its nice up there. Had something like a natural hot tub. It was hard enough for us boys and Ishita – the Iron Lady made it look easy. Three cheers for her! Hip! Hip!! Hurray!!!

The youngsters played a lot many tricks. Scared a lot of people with that musk. You shoulda seen my roomie running for his life.

Advice for would be explorers: The five layer tea is really no good. Go for the super deluxe instead.

No rain the entire time.